• Replies 7 replies
  • Subscribers 26 subscribers
  • Views 2265 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Constant suicidal and self harming thoughts :(

micki82

Hi, I am in the diagnostic process for HF ASD/Asperger’s, and am becoming scared by me current feelings of self harm, and my uncontrollable mood problems.

The slightest bit of stress is enough to push me over the edge, always towards rage and suicide.  I don't think I can carry on much longer feeling like this, and see self harm as one of the only ways of stopping me killing myself.  

I have expressed this to my psychiatrist and support workers, but there is little they can do to help, even if talking to them helps me at the time, it is gone within a half hour, and the negativity returns.  70-90% of my time is spent thinking of ending this horrible existence, and I don't know how to stop it in time to be safe.  

I have no family support and can't be taking more psychiatric drugs and functioning day to day, which is a struggle now.  I need this to stop though, I can't take anymore anxiety and can feel everything shattering around me again, when all I want to do is end this hell now and make everything leave me alone.  I want this to end.

I don't even know the point of posting this, as there is nothing people can do to stop this, I just need to say it to people who may understand these feelings I live with constantly.  I don't wish to distress people either, I am not sitting about to have a suicide attempt, I have had too many meds to act on these thoughts :(

Parents

  • Micki...I can't help responding to your situation. Once a person gets in that zone of spiralling negativity, it is SO hard to stop. I would suggest you really get your GP on your side in order to stop the ESA people pushing you around should it come to that. You have every right to be on this earth, even with all of that disabling angst and fear, as anyone and don't let others tell you differently. Everyone here will be a friend to you if you stay in touch. You are definitely not alone. 

    Try to see if you can find a balance, even if its just 80% awful, 20% coping, so when you feel really bad, you can convince yourself there will be a day or two a week or a few hours every day when you can cope. Keep holding on there buddy. The counselling may help but again find that balance...if it's not a 100% success, even 10% would be getting somewhere (don't know where all this percentage stuff came from!)

    Can you tell us all though...is there anything that you're into, that takes away the pain for a bit, that grabs your attention even if only for a while? Any interest whatsoever that you like without reservation? It might be the thing, even if you get obsessive about it,  the thing that keeps you going. 

    Share a bit and others will share with you. Get some dialogue going. Keep posting here. Keep involved. There's a community here ready-made for you.Tongue Out

Reply

  • Micki...I can't help responding to your situation. Once a person gets in that zone of spiralling negativity, it is SO hard to stop. I would suggest you really get your GP on your side in order to stop the ESA people pushing you around should it come to that. You have every right to be on this earth, even with all of that disabling angst and fear, as anyone and don't let others tell you differently. Everyone here will be a friend to you if you stay in touch. You are definitely not alone. 

    Try to see if you can find a balance, even if its just 80% awful, 20% coping, so when you feel really bad, you can convince yourself there will be a day or two a week or a few hours every day when you can cope. Keep holding on there buddy. The counselling may help but again find that balance...if it's not a 100% success, even 10% would be getting somewhere (don't know where all this percentage stuff came from!)

    Can you tell us all though...is there anything that you're into, that takes away the pain for a bit, that grabs your attention even if only for a while? Any interest whatsoever that you like without reservation? It might be the thing, even if you get obsessive about it,  the thing that keeps you going. 

    Share a bit and others will share with you. Get some dialogue going. Keep posting here. Keep involved. There's a community here ready-made for you.Tongue Out

Children
No Data