Constant suicidal and self harming thoughts :(

Yes, this is clearly a hellish nightmare that you are suffering - at-least there does seem to be the suggestion of light at the end of the tunnel with a diagnosis, which hopefully will provide explanations for you and also for other professionals to work towards making your life less of a gruelling ordeal.

I also get very low sometimes too, in various ways.

I get very depressed as about 5 years ago now, I completed my MA and it was only after that, when a few weeks of Job Seekers Allowance debilitated me with acutes stress I was diagnosed with autism.

Since then I have been house-bound, suffering from acute stress, depression, chronic insomnia, getting benefits and still dependent on my parents.

It was not how I expected things to work-out after completely my MA, to say the least: that seems like a different life time now.

My day to day existence is very painful, heavily reliant upon codeine and sleeping pills to attempt even the most minimal activity: such as getting to the cinema, or for a walk - or possibly even to the gym if I can manage it - once a week (with a support worker).

Usually if I do so, there is quite a heavy cost in terms of intrusive stress that can ruin my routine and aggravate all my other conditions - so it is always something of a balancing act, particularly considering things which might be very heplful, such as getting my own place, or even finding employment, but which are often risky to undertake too... bringing something of a Catch-22 situation

All in all, it isn't a happy routine, nor one where I feel I have a great deal of control, let alone genuine independence - so it does little or nothing to my mood or self-esteem either really.

I wouldn't say I'm suicidal, but I do have so few friends,  even colleagues or other acquintances I sometimes find myself thinking: 'Well, I may as well be dead... it isn't as though it would make any real difference. Just save tax-payers a small amount of money.'

I think that the really hellish things for me tend to sensory... I went to a coffee shop in a nearby town today, as my support worker (who's been working with me for over a year) is leaving, so we were having a 'hand-off' meeting - where I was meeting one of the new people I'd be receiving support from...

Just the drive to the town, a quick visit to a shop to buy a comb, then an hour or so in a coffee shop and finally a taxi back... that basically reduced me to something of a jittery wreck. Exhausted and needing codeine just to calm my nerves enough to sleep most of the evening, still feeling wound-up: jaw-clenching and teeth-grinding, after that.

I guess I'm going on... but I think what I'm trying to say is - I think that there other people who share at least some of the sort of difficulties that you're going through... so lets hope that when authorities really begin to grasp that, they will start to respond to it.

Yes, this is clearly a hellish nightmare that you are suffering - at-least there does seem to be the suggestion of light at the end of the tunnel with a diagnosis, which hopefully will provide explanations for you and also for other professionals to work towards making your life less of a gruelling ordeal.

I also get very low sometimes too, in various ways.

I get very depressed as about 5 years ago now, I completed my MA and it was only after that, when a few weeks of Job Seekers Allowance debilitated me with acutes stress I was diagnosed with autism.

Since then I have been house-bound, suffering from acute stress, depression, chronic insomnia, getting benefits and still dependent on my parents.

It was not how I expected things to work-out after completely my MA, to say the least: that seems like a different life time now.

My day to day existence is very painful, heavily reliant upon codeine and sleeping pills to attempt even the most minimal activity: such as getting to the cinema, or for a walk - or possibly even to the gym if I can manage it - once a week (with a support worker).

Usually if I do so, there is quite a heavy cost in terms of intrusive stress that can ruin my routine and aggravate all my other conditions - so it is always something of a balancing act, particularly considering things which might be very heplful, such as getting my own place, or even finding employment, but which are often risky to undertake too... bringing something of a Catch-22 situation

All in all, it isn't a happy routine, nor one where I feel I have a great deal of control, let alone genuine independence - so it does little or nothing to my mood or self-esteem either really.

I wouldn't say I'm suicidal, but I do have so few friends,  even colleagues or other acquintances I sometimes find myself thinking: 'Well, I may as well be dead... it isn't as though it would make any real difference. Just save tax-payers a small amount of money.'

I think that the really hellish things for me tend to sensory... I went to a coffee shop in a nearby town today, as my support worker (who's been working with me for over a year) is leaving, so we were having a 'hand-off' meeting - where I was meeting one of the new people I'd be receiving support from...

Just the drive to the town, a quick visit to a shop to buy a comb, then an hour or so in a coffee shop and finally a taxi back... that basically reduced me to something of a jittery wreck. Exhausted and needing codeine just to calm my nerves enough to sleep most of the evening, still feeling wound-up: jaw-clenching and teeth-grinding, after that.

I guess I'm going on... but I think what I'm trying to say is - I think that there other people who share at least some of the sort of difficulties that you're going through... so lets hope that when authorities really begin to grasp that, they will start to respond to it.