Published on 12, July, 2020
Hey, I am new here and am trying to get some support, really struggling right now. I have been with my partner for 2 years, and have always suspected that he was on the spectrum.... he has echolalia, rigid routines and no theory of mind and no reciprocity unless the relationship is threatened. He hates social events, is insular, doesn't understand me at all and when I do try and talk to him about my emotional needs, he is then really worried he is doing something wrong and its all too much pressure. He is very committed, we are engaged, essentially we get on well like best mates as well. But when I need more emotionally, he can't read me at all. He never plans things until the event is close and once we have talked about something, we dont revisit it until the event is close. No reassurance given, even though I have told him that is what women need from time to time. On the odd occasion he needs a shoulder to lean on, of course I have to be present 100%. It is very draining, but there are a lot of great things about the relationship, just reciprocity and no theory of mind is hard to take. Any advice?
I am with a similar situation, see my earlier post. I have been advised to read a book on Asperger's syndrome and social relationships by Genevieve edmonds. 2 chapters in it all makes sense so far. It is thereacknowledged however there isn't much advice on supporting partners of as individuals. Take a read!
Brilliant, thank you I will..... I have had some, but not sure where he is as he hasn't been diagnosed, and I dont know if he is even aware.... and I definitely could not bring it to his attention.. lol
As someone who is like this I can honestly say we do not mean to come across like that. It’s so difficult to explain but our hearts are in the right place. Have to confess I’ve done work on my wife’s car and think it’s a show of affection. I have never been a hug and kiss lots person I’m not sure why. I get funny if I feel held down or if something is near my face I hate it and puts me on edge. ( maybe it’s a sensory thing? ) when I shower I have to keep my head forward or back into the water stream because if it hits my face it seriously overstimulates my senses. also if I’m sat on sofa cat on lap and my wife one side and daughter on other side I feel trapped and get on edge. I have to move otherwise my head goes haywire. and I feel same when my wife talks to me bout how she’s feeling. I don’t always see what the problem is then get upset as I’ve upset her (vicious cycle) and sit trying to figure out what I did wrong and end up really down. just as insight of my world.