Feeling very lost

Hi, it has been nearly a year now since seperating from my ex, he suffered and still does from extreme ocd, which has been the reason for our separation. The last 4 years, I have tried a million percent to be as supportive as I could to fight for our relationship. Every single day was like a nightmare, with myself having to do daily and constant rituals, cleaning everything, washing hands etc, he was very angry at times, shouted at me if I did things wrong, hit the walls. We have two young children together 4 and 2 year olds. The effects of the ocd became to much for us all, so he left and lives in a flat on his own house bound. When he left, he said we could never be together anymore, he could never see a future with me, so I was devastated but was becoming to accept this bit by bit even though it’s been so terribly hard. About a month ago, he has started to contact me again saying he wants to try and work things out, by visiting me and the children a couple of nights a month, but I said no as I’m so so worried the effects of his ocd for us all, and it being to damaging. So the only other option was me meeting him once a month, with the children, my mam has been doing this as he’s not well enough to go on his own. He said no, as he thinks we would both find it to emotional and difficult. I’m so sorry for my long post, I have been suffering so much with this dilemma for such a long time now, and it’s killing me inside everyday. Please has anyone got any advice for me please, with what they think I should do now? He said he might never get better, and wants me to be happy. I’m just so worried if in the future, if he gets better, and meets someone new, he might turn around and say well you weren’t there to support me, but I feel like I’ve been left with no choice? It feels like torment. I really can’t remember the last time I felt happy. Thank you so much for listening to, it means a lot to me x

  • Hi. I just wanted to say that i hope you feel better soon.  I'm not the best at advice i'm afraid.

  • Hi

    Do you have family you can confide in~? that may be able to give advice?(sorry if thats a silly Q)

    I would say this though!...(and its purely just an opinion on layman's terms )

    It sound like your ex partner is struggling intensely, which indicates the obvious...that is very virulent !And has effected yourself and the children.

    Is he seeking help at present?...I would also say, that the childrens well being is paramount,as you already clearly know.

    From what youve stated,  you certainly, have been there for him. And in many ways, ocd is like a black hole,sucking those around it into..&

    it must have been extremely exhausting for you, the sheer mental torment. !

    Im at a loss,what to say at this point, maybe an outside body could help!  Calling CAB -they may be able to point you, to assistance and mediation.

    Possibly contact an ocd society website that can give specific advice.

    Its going to be hard to give absolute suggestions, as its a very tricky subject and i wouldnt want to give ill advice.

    I'll finish on this! Youve done well to see(as im sure you always have) the damaging effects his condition can have on the children. And you do so well remembering this....So i truly hope for the best for you. And im sure many people will be here soon, from this site , with much more better advice.

    All the best!

  • Hi. I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this.

    I've suffered from OCD all my life and went through a course of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) last year. It's made such a huge difference to me - OCD no longer takes over my life, and I can get through the day without having to do all of the routines I used to have. 

    OCD is truly debilitating and I empathise with anyone who has to go through it, but you also need to take care of your own mental health, as well as your children's. Perhaps you could persuade him to try therapy first and take it from there. Ultimately, it's his decision whether or not to get help, but you need to look after yourself too.

  • Hi Theresa, if the present is not so good then you should believe in a good future. I know it is very hard to face if somebody you care about gets into trouble. But you should believe there is always an open door to freedom and happiness. My friend also suffered from OCD it was a hard time for him and his family. His fear became too much as he felt that he was insecure, his focus and his whole life get messed up. His family supported him and consulted a psychologist for him. He scheduled his whole day with a lot of different tasks. Exercise and fitness was his main priority, our mind has a direct relation with muscles, as he started to go to the gym and running his mind, he started to get stabilized while getting therapy with such routine was necessary. He also advised some supplements for muscles and brain, he gets them from Sports Inside  . His life did not change suddenly but started to improve gradually. His interaction with his friends and family started to improve, and now his condition is very well from before.