Published on 12, July, 2020
How did you cope with waiting for an assessment?
It drives me crazy. I can’t stop thinking about it. Whatever I do the thought about upcoming assessment is still on my mind.
I was referred two years ago, after nearly 2 years of counselling and CBT, which stopped after referral (they didn’t work anyway)
Initially I was told waiting time is 12 months. I thought I could handle that.
After 12 months I was told waiting time is 2 years.
2 years from my referral passed and I’ve been told it’s going to be another year.
It drives me crazy.
I don’t want to read about autism too much in case it affects my behaviour and consequently the assessment outcome.
Private assessment is too expensive. Especially that I don’t know the outcome, I can’t risk paying so much and then be left with no answer.
I’m constantly worrying about lack of informants (I have nobody who could provide information about my childhood).
I’ve already written small memoirs which I need to edit before my assessment.
I’m overthinking and overanalysing everything I do and think, trying to find various explanations for my thoughts and behaviour.
I don’t want to go to GP because I’m worried that it might somehow affect assessment outcome.
I’ve tried to calm myself down with St John's-wort and 5-htp tablets but I didn’t notice any effect.
I just don’t know how to cope with waiting anymore.
Waiting = the unknown/unpredictable = stress.
I didn't use anyone to tell about my childhood - it could only have been my mother and I think she was an undiagnosed aspie in total denial - it wouldn't have given me anything useful.
The more you read about ASD, the more you realise what you think is normal is not normal - it all adds to your case.
Another train of thought - if you're looking for assessment, why would you not learn about the subject? Worst case scenario is they find you borderline - all the traits but no chance of support. You might want to game the system if you really need support.
I read about autism but I’m trying to limit myself because I’m worried that I might subconsciously try to fit my symptoms into diagnostic criteria (I still remember my psychology teacher’s warnings never to self diagnose with anything)
I’m not seeing myself in everything I read which is understandable because everyone is different but sometimes I think that I can’t be autistic because I don’t behave exactly like someone else who’s diagnosed.
I went to few social groups for autistic and, even though they were all nice and I felt really accepted there, I was constantly comparing myself to them and I decided that I can’t go to those meetings anymore until I’m absolutely sure I’m on the spectrum.
And so I’m diving myself crazy because I want to be absolutely, 100% sure, right now. I feel like I can’t proceed with my life until I have the absolute answer.
I feel your pain as I'm in the same situation. Except my CBT therapist has just put my referral through and I've been told it would be 18 months, so I haven't been waiting anywhere near as long as you have. It's pretty shocking that they would make you wait an extra year, as this clearly has an impact on your mental health and causing you unecessary anxiety. I would suggest talking to your GP to see if there is any way to get your assessment now, since you've already waited over a year, given that the wait and uncertainty is causing you anxiety that could otherwise be avoided. I don't see how this could impact your assessment in a negative way.Like you, I don't see myself in every trait I've seen listed, but I see myself in enough of them to make me think that I have ASD, and it's affecting enough areas of my life that I think it's worth getting an assessment. And I agree that there are things that I think are normal and the more I look into ASD I realise it's not. I then know to bring it up in my assessment. Otherwise I wouldn't have known it was relevant.