Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm hopelessly lost. I'm a horrible human being and as my step mum never gets tired of telling me I'm a failure.
I failed my dad.
I failed myself.
And what hurts the most is I failed my birth mum god rest her soul.
I really thought I could do well for myself but it was just a hopeless quest which I never stood a chance of doing. My grades have hit rock bottom. My dad no longer cares about me and my step mum hates my guts and constantly tells me I'm worthless.
I'm just done. I tried, I really tried to be a good girl and to wear a mask to be just like everyone else. I tried and I failed and now I just feel like it's over for me. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. I'm unloved and being here like this is making me depressed and sad.
I'm so tired I need to sleep but when I sleep I'm plagued by nightmares and ghosts from my childhood night and day.
I hate who I am. I just want to go away and be with my proper mum again. She loved me and never once called me a failure.
Hello, I’m so sorry that you are feeling unloved and down.
I would suggest you tell your GP about how you are feeling.
You may like to ask a question on the Spectrum Women site, it has a global community: https://www.spectrumwomen.com/category/ask-the-spectrum-women/
I don’t think you are a failure, it sounds more likely that the people around you are failing you.
Keep talking on here - many of us have gone through dark times - and be kind to yourself.
Take care, Graham.