Solid advice on taking care of my self as an adult in the autistic spectrum just diagnosed

Hi,

I'm  male, 39, I was diagnosed two years ago and as such I'm looking for two years for some external help about managing my autistic spectrum
without solution.

I would say that my autism is mild, and as such I would say the main things are ok but I still have some rough corners

I'm in france, and in a medical desert. As such as far as I know there is zero chance that I will find some counseling or similar and I have
to take care of my self on finding what will help myself to suffer less/feel better.

I have several problems, but I would say the three majors ones are anxiety ,irritability and uncontrollable burst of angriness, and lacks of social skills.

I have succeed in managing my anxiety but one part of this management was stopping my work as a computer engineer, and as far as I know,
in the current state of anxiety level, I'm unable to fulfill a new job. I have revenue from french medicare (sécurité sociale) and as such I don't
need a job to survive. I really love computers and would enjoy to do the technical part of my computer job, if possible despite that  it implies
more social interaction than in my ideal way of life. (And of course, additional revenue is always welcome, but additional revenue is all but a priority)

I already read "Asperger's syndrome" book from Tony Attwood (french third edition) two years ago and somehow it helped. I also read quite a lot
of testimony of people on the spectrum and that helped too.

What I'm looking for is solid advice and reference of what says expert about the way for someone on the spectrum to learn how to manage my autism by himself.
A book form would be perfect but any form is ok. Personal advice and testimony or anything which you think can help is welcome.

If possible start your answers by something like "reference book:"  that I know what I have to expect from your answer. (If you don't do it because of personal choice
it is not a problem)
--Computer lover

Parents
  • "reference book:"

    Hi, just read your post and couldn't run. So much of what you are saying is so familiar and quite common on this forum. I was diagnosed quite a while ago, and first heard of Asperger in relation to my daughter. I started with Tony Attwood too. It really helped me initially to make sense of the condition, as the list of descriptors on the tic-box page were not making any sense, like 'plays with Ninja Turtles'... lol, my daughter played with dolls.

    I used to read a lot of books on autism and I a sorry to say after a while got saturated, as none of them really helped in any way beyond being able to make sense, relate to the condition and review my life experience in the light of new knowledge. I just realised that Asperger was the thing that was happening to me and things started to make sense again. I know i sounds strange.

    On social skills, surprisingly, I didn't find any of the advice helpful as the problem, as you probably realised, is not knowing what to do, but actually doing it However I definitely moved on from this debate now. So my bit of reference advice for you is twofold:


    First, your communication and ability to connect stems from your internal psycho-biological state, your anxiety gets in the way when it's high and no amount of 'try harder' would make anything but aggravate the situation. That's my experience. What you need is to relax, quite physically being relaxed and zen in your body and mind and the right words and moves would somehow follow. Another thing that helps is to communicate for a purpose, in a way that makes sense to you, you , I mean an Aspie is more relaxed this way and things happen.

    Second, I discovered something new and profound for me in the past few months. I had a course at university about the channels on which you communicate, but didn't make much of it then. Recently it clicked. If you read through this forum or another 'balanced ' autism forum you would find an incredible supportive community, and incredible empathy, and social skills. a lot of jokes and laughter, a lot of very similar stories you can relate to. Autistic people connect with each-other on autism forums and in my opinion it is the best way to find a community and to start interacting. If you scroll through pages here you would find a treasure trove of 'reference advice' , a lot of moving accounts and hopefully some new friends. One of the things I found helpful is to make a positive image of your autism and the advice and people here are the best support.

    Finally, actually we formed a new charity to create a peer to peer support community an we are embarking on an exciting new adventure. Incidentally, we need a computer programmer. We are a group of autistic people who came together right here on this forum. So if you feel you would like to explore this, PM [personal message]  me and we will start talking.

  • thanks a lot for your answer, it definitely helps.

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