Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi
I have autism, sleep maintenance insomnia and mental health issues. I’m really struggling with life right now and I was wondering if I could please have some advice or someone to listen to me during this difficult time.
Everything has been so horrible this past year. I completed my degree almost a year ago and I haven’t been able to find a job. I’ve gained interviews and have been improving myself with the comments they say but its hard when I am constantly rejected. I have to live with my parents as I have no income (especially since I was transferred to PIP who took all of my benefits away because I was too able). My parents are really hard to be around. They don’t treat me with respect. They either ignore me or have a go at me for the smallest of things. I can’t even escape for a few hours for a walk as there is nothing where I live. There is nowhere to go to and the closest thing from me is by car (I can’t get a bus either because there aren’t any within walking distance).
I feel like I am doing everything that I can and its still not enough. I want to move out of my parents house for so long but I can’t without getting a job. Everyone else is moving on with their lives and I’m still stuck in same place, which is the same place I fought so hard (academically to get out of). I spent four years doing degrees, improving myself, growing as a person whilst putting myself under so much pressure and I felt like no one cared. Instead, I’m back where I started and I feel like I can’t move.
I really want to get out of my parents house. I feel like they don’t like me. They seem nice on the surface but they’re selfish and really rude. They pushed to be normal and I feel like they hate me/treat me like I’m an idiot because of my autism. They always made me feel bad every time I needed money from them (which wasn’t a lot) yet, even when I turned sixteen, they never let me have all of my money from my DLA. I tried to question them (which gave me an anxiety attack) but they would just yell at me (which made my anxiety worse). My parents always said that my DLA was for the bills but I never got a say in the matter and they would sometimes brag about getting expensive things whilst complaining about how they were struggling with the bills. They always take me for granted. I don’t get paid but I do my share around the house with chores but the moment I start earning money, they expect me to pay rent. I understand that some parents do this if their kids still live with them but after all the money they have taken away from me and after all the times they have treated me like rubbish, I just don’t think this is fair.
I know this may sound silly but I feel like I’m constantly being punished. Life has always felt extra hard for me and I feel like I’ve had to work extra hard for things and its still not enough. I know some people say that “life will get better” or “stop looking at the negatives and look at the positives” but with my life, it isn’t true. My life is a constant mess. Nothing is getting better, no matter which view point I’m looking from.
I’m sorry for the long rant but I just really need some help right now. If there is any advice you would recommend, I would be extremely grateful!
Thank you
Hi Violinist.
I am no expert but I will say this. I think as per the previous reply, this is normal for all young people. However, it is probably a lot worse for you than others, especially if you cannot discuss your feelings with your parents or others. It took a long time for me to get the right job, get my independence, find the right partner, etc, and I think I also saw everything as a crisis when younger, but later in life when I met people I could talk to, it helped to get things into perspective, and work towards enjoying life.
Stick at it. Find that job, and when you don't enjoy that job, find another. Find a friend, and if they aren't good for you, find another. When finances allow, get your own place so that you can have your environment how you like it, and live in a way that suits you. Find things you enjoy, and if you don't enjoy them, try something else. It took me a long time and a lot of work, but I did get there and so can you.
Good luck.