Worried about my partner

you could put on a tv docu or show about autism, and during it ask him, do you not think this is a bit like you?

but ultimately you cant make him accept it if he has it, all you can do is learn how to deal with it from your side, ie do whatever you need to do to feel better, be happy and acknowledge both of your needs

(yes it sucks that would be a lot of work and a lot of pressure on you if he wont accept it, but if he wont then you have to do something to make life better for both of you, especially for you)

Hey Worried Norwich,

I have Aspergers and was diagnosed last year after my wife suggested to me that she thought I may have it. She told me that she had always known that I had traits or my own ways to do things and that I suffered socially but had never come to the conclusion untill talking to a friend of hers whose husband had been diagnosed with Aspergers and the simillarities in us. She aproached me on the subject and told me what her friend had said and to be honest a lot of it made sense. We agreed to call the doctor about the subject and she reccomended that I do an AQ test online to see what the result was and get back to her. I had also been suffering with depression for a long time so after scoring very high on the AQ test I was lucky enough to be seen quite quickly and then recieve my diagnosis about six months later and get all the help I needed to start understanding that it isn't my fault I am like this and help me cope with day to day life in a new way and not struggle by myself. I cannot thank my wife enough for coming to me that day and it has honestly helped our lives together so much easier and managable. I hope that when you mention it to your husband it all works out well for the both of you.

I was just wondering WN...do you know much about his early life, how he found life at school, was he very sociable or a bit more solitary, do you know how he got on (gets on) with his family?

I suppose the question does come up... might you actually seek a diagnosis for him in the end or are you just seeking to make him aware of what he may be either blind to or has trouble dealing with...to show him he's not alone in thinking, behaving, feeling a certain way? To make your relationship stronger?

If he's successful in his career and has never had problems in that area, perhaps a diagnosis would not help as opposed to another hypothetical guy who might have really struggled to get a place where he could function OK in society.

I quite like the idea True Colors came up with..but I would add something like...everyone (or someone) was doing this at work (AQ etc.), I had a go and it seems like I have some of the traits and then say someone else (a girl of course)  made a joke along the lines...aren't all guys a bit Aspie on some level... and then hint a little about having a go at an online test or begin doing the online test, seem uttterly, I mean UTTERLY focussed on it and then see if he'll have a go...I don't know if this is helping...

My partner was classic Aspie and I knew within a month something wasn't right (compared to previous girlfriends) so it's hard to turn this around for me gender-wise.

I'm  not asking you to share but I wonder what it was that drew you to him in the first place...or made you want to make the relationship more permament.

I've always been a bit odd myself, my relationships tended to last for weeks or a few months but I finally found someone as 'interesting' as myself and we've been together nearly ten years now.

Another thing Tony Attwood does is to compare how NTs and Aspies describe love...how do you think your partner would describe love? Don't ask him though if it would irritate him!!!

Anyway just some ideas. Please persist with him though if he really is a great guy. My Aspergirl is my world. Every day is an adventure of one kind or another.

Te writing sounds like a great idea.  the reaction is what's scary. Obviously denial will come into play.

Hes a great guy and I don't want him thinking I'm blaming him for our relationship issues - I admit I have my faults too.

He displays obsessive behaviour - like times, gym work outs etc

He says he can't show emotions like I want - he isn't a very touchy feely guy.

He always has so many things going on at one time 

Hes worked waking nights and then done engineering work for the last 5 days - and had max 10hrs sleep

This is a tricky one - I feel sorry for you facing this possibility.  I cannot speak from experience with partners, I only have a child on the spectrum.....you could try writing something down for him, maybe suggesting you go and see the GP together...?  (I only suggest writing as opposed to speaking, as it is sometimes easier to put it across on paper, and people on the spectrum understand written communication better than body language etc). 

In preparation for a GP appointment, write down as much as possible to take along with you.  What have you noticed about him?  When does it happen?  How does he react to different situations?  Just anything you can think of which may help your GP make a diagnosis.

Have a look on the NAS website - they have loads of useful information.  Or you could try phoning them, they are really easy to speak to and so helpful.

Hope this helps....good luck!