Dealing with relationship rejection when having Aspergers?

I have Aspergers Syndrome, and there is a particular person that I have a crush on, and want to ask out on a date. However, I could be wrong, but I’ve got a feeling that they don’t like me (in that way) back. I’ve avoided asking them out up until now, because I’m really afraid that if they reject me, it will trigger feelings of self-hatred, both in terms of my appearance and myself as a person, as due to having Aspergers, I haven’t always found fitting in easy, and I’m afraid that being rejected in a relationship sense will bring all of these feelings flooding back quite badly. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with relationship rejection with having Aspergers?

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  • Do you know what the friend zone is? This is a very safe zone where some guys end up never to appear. I would say it could amount to Emotionally abuse -  where he can't ask her out because he will further jeopardise her friendship. Just WOW.

    If you end up in the "friend zone" it is usually because the other person probably likes you but does not want to be involved with you romantically. If someone isn't attracted to you, there is no combination of words you can say that will make them like you. However, if you establish a friendly relationship before asking her out (get to know her interests, start discussions with her about movies she might like, etc., that kind of friendly relationship), then it can help you to get to know her, get used to being around her and how to deal with those nervous feelings, and decide if you really want to pursue a relationship. Then, if you do, approaching her will at least be familiar and therefore slightly less intimidating. I know there are some guys (and girls, for that matter!) who can confidently stride up to someone they find attractive and strike up a rapport almost instantaneously. But for those of us not gifted at de-cofidying the unspoken language of romantic attraction (so much of it is locked up in body language and facial expressions), then sometimes we have to build more solid foundations before approaching someone in that vulnerable way.

    Also, must be said that those types of people are usually not afraid of rejection. It doesn't affect their self-worth.

    When you do build up a rapport with someone, you do come to a point when you have to decide whether you want to make your feelings known explicitly. If you're not sure if they'll be reciprocated, that is. Of course, that does risk losing the existing friendship, but that is a call each individual has to make. But at least you can say you took the time to get to know her, so the relationship doesn't stagnate in the realm of idealisation from afar.

    As I said, if she doesn't want to hang out with you as a friend, she probably is not interested in hanging out with you as a girlfriend. So, for someone who is really nervous about approaching a woman (or a man) they like, that would be my advice.

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