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Conveying problems

mljt

I've got an appointment with my GP in September to talk about getting referred to be assessed for autism. 

I'm a bit concerned about how well I can get across what I want to say..One big part of this, and the reason why me seeking a diagnosis has taken so long, is the fact that I really struggle to even know myself what is wrong at any given time or what emotion I'm feeling. I'm aware I feel an emotion but it takes me a long time to work out what it is or why I'm feeling it. I've tried so hard to appear "normal" that I'm only just realising what I feel isn't what most people feel in social situations and with other things. 

I've made a list, which is nearly a whole A4 page, of all my "symptoms" of autism. I think I'll take it along and give it to my GP. I might also take my partner along to explain the things I can't. 

I worry that people don't always realise the true extent of the turmoil I go through all day every day in my head. I've only recently let my partner in on some of it, but I think I've got so good at coming across as "normal" as possible, I'm going to struggle to let my guard down and admit (or even articulate) everything I'm feeling. I've felt a huge sense of shame since being a teenager about my inability to judge certain social situations. Admitting it to someone seems really scary. I also worry that when it comes to the assessment part, I'll do the same and won't be totally honest or able to articulate what's going on..

I don't really know what the "question" is that I'm asking here. I'm just feeling a bit lonely. Did anyone else have the same issues before being assessed? 

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  • I am beyond the GP but not diagnosed.

    Yes, I felt and still do feel everything you mention. I experience very complex emotions as all humans do, but I can't express them. When people die I dont cry, I lack a creative outlet to express my thoughts and feelings. I think as I'm getting older It's starting to take it's tole psychologically. When I'm frustrated my writing also becomes worse. 

    Talking about "struggling to talking/express" is hilarious paradox in itself, an uncomfortable necesary one tho. My partner helped me greatly with the gp. Taking notes did too. I mask a lot of symtoms and you would have to know me well to understand, but I don't makes friends to easy so not many will get close enough to notice.

    I went to Poland recently and I loved it because I wasnt expected to interact as I was "foreign", I was anonymous rather than the spotlight being on me. Krakow was my blissfull utopia. 

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  • I am beyond the GP but not diagnosed.

    Yes, I felt and still do feel everything you mention. I experience very complex emotions as all humans do, but I can't express them. When people die I dont cry, I lack a creative outlet to express my thoughts and feelings. I think as I'm getting older It's starting to take it's tole psychologically. When I'm frustrated my writing also becomes worse. 

    Talking about "struggling to talking/express" is hilarious paradox in itself, an uncomfortable necesary one tho. My partner helped me greatly with the gp. Taking notes did too. I mask a lot of symtoms and you would have to know me well to understand, but I don't makes friends to easy so not many will get close enough to notice.

    I went to Poland recently and I loved it because I wasnt expected to interact as I was "foreign", I was anonymous rather than the spotlight being on me. Krakow was my blissfull utopia. 

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