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Conveying problems

mljt

I've got an appointment with my GP in September to talk about getting referred to be assessed for autism. 

I'm a bit concerned about how well I can get across what I want to say..One big part of this, and the reason why me seeking a diagnosis has taken so long, is the fact that I really struggle to even know myself what is wrong at any given time or what emotion I'm feeling. I'm aware I feel an emotion but it takes me a long time to work out what it is or why I'm feeling it. I've tried so hard to appear "normal" that I'm only just realising what I feel isn't what most people feel in social situations and with other things. 

I've made a list, which is nearly a whole A4 page, of all my "symptoms" of autism. I think I'll take it along and give it to my GP. I might also take my partner along to explain the things I can't. 

I worry that people don't always realise the true extent of the turmoil I go through all day every day in my head. I've only recently let my partner in on some of it, but I think I've got so good at coming across as "normal" as possible, I'm going to struggle to let my guard down and admit (or even articulate) everything I'm feeling. I've felt a huge sense of shame since being a teenager about my inability to judge certain social situations. Admitting it to someone seems really scary. I also worry that when it comes to the assessment part, I'll do the same and won't be totally honest or able to articulate what's going on..

I don't really know what the "question" is that I'm asking here. I'm just feeling a bit lonely. Did anyone else have the same issues before being assessed? 

  • I feel very insecure if I can't understand the language.  It is said that up to 80% of all communication is non-verbal, but since I'm not so good at understanding non-verbal communication so I rely on the spoken and written word a lot more than the average person so I feel very disadvantaged when I don't have access to these.  I have a strong need to have control over my environment and if I don't know the language this is very limited.

  • Gp sent me to see an "Access Clinictian", who then said i would get an appointment with a specialist in about 6 weeks. 9 weeks later no further forward. So I dont know how many appointments is needed.

    LoCommotion: I like not being able to speak the lingo. It makes even more annonymousCool Very true, that all expectations disapear abroad.

  • Goatworshiper said:

    I went to Poland recently and I loved it because I wasnt expected to interact as I was "foreign", I was anonymous rather than the spotlight being on me. Krakow was my blissfull utopia. 

    Being in a foreign country can in some ways be much easier because even if you speak the language it is like wearing a mask which protects and provides you with an excuse for making social blunders.  If you make a mistake or say something "a bit off" people will just thing it's because you're foreign and won't think you're weird.  I've always been very attracted to learning foreign languages and travelling abroad for this reason.  People have fewer expectations from me and I'm not under so much pressure.  However it's still just as hard to make friends and if you work abroad you can still run into problems.

    mljt, good luck with your appointment.  I'm in the same position as you and will soon see my GP.  I'm getting increasingly more nervous about it as it approaches as I also find it hard to talk about problems and emotions.  No one ever knows what's going on in my head because I don't talk about what I'm experiencing or feeling.  I think that writing things down and being well prepared will help a lot.  I'm also going to take my mum with me, this will help.

  • Thanks for the reassurance. 

    Does assessment take longer than one appointment? I'm a bit concerned I won't manage to completely convey everything if I've only got an hour or so. I may also keep a diary of how I'm feeling (I find it hard to remember) and take this along with me? Do you think this would help? 

  • I am beyond the GP but not diagnosed.

    Yes, I felt and still do feel everything you mention. I experience very complex emotions as all humans do, but I can't express them. When people die I dont cry, I lack a creative outlet to express my thoughts and feelings. I think as I'm getting older It's starting to take it's tole psychologically. When I'm frustrated my writing also becomes worse. 

    Talking about "struggling to talking/express" is hilarious paradox in itself, an uncomfortable necesary one tho. My partner helped me greatly with the gp. Taking notes did too. I mask a lot of symtoms and you would have to know me well to understand, but I don't makes friends to easy so not many will get close enough to notice.

    I went to Poland recently and I loved it because I wasnt expected to interact as I was "foreign", I was anonymous rather than the spotlight being on me. Krakow was my blissfull utopia. 

  • Yes, very much so.

    In fact, it's probably one of the most common features of being on the spectrum - that inability to get across, or even know, what it is you want/need to say.

    So, in that sense, particularly when it comes to the diagnostic assesment, it will be something 'in your favour'!

    Oh, and defintely take your partner with you to both the appointment with your GP and the diagnostic assesment.