Aspergers - Extreme Social Anxiety

At times it is to self negate before your worth is negated by another. On those terms you try then to manage and be better adept at managing rejection and subsequent low self worth.

i often tell people to expect little, or that I’m pretty crap, to try and reduce expectation. I also can only manage a certain tonnage of other people’s problems and things they want me to sort out for them... if they take on board that I’m a bit rubbish, then hopefully they’ll get there needs met elsewhere.

That's beautifully put. I can actually relate to what you are trying to express. The feeling of isolation and confusion has crippled me over the last few years but to hear you express similar internal thoughts, feelings and processes makes me realize that it's not my fault, I'm not weak and most importantly I am not alone. Indeed, neither are any of us with this condition.

For me personally Not coping with emotions as an adult get harder so in order to try and stop the feelings either being seen or felt turn them inwardly, that then turns to self hate, it increases the feelings even more, the feelings turn to “ not worthy” “ I am worth nothing”. “It’s all my fault”, this leads to a decline that sinks lower and lower, result? Melt down, feeling worthless, talk of resorting to doing something silly.

Try to hide the feelings, but fail, end up sounding like a spoilt child as the mind isn’t stable and is trying its best to cope with hundreds of feelings it cannot deal with. 

 Options are to mask! Hide it, focus on anything that stops the mind building up even more negative feelings as they will lead to further confusion and non stop self analysis.

I am currently experiencing such a state, my mask is firmly in place as I type this.

 I wish you all well.

 Be yourself and be kind to yourselves, it isn’t our fault, we do our best, we do not have the wiring to cope or do we  just forget it as if it is nothing.that sadly isn’t in our wiring. Everything is important to us, 

big hugs to everyone () () () ()

The seemingly unemotional makes sense to me. Even when I'm really happy/excited I don't really show it. Although I feel like I've got more emotional in recent years like I said above, it is over seemingly small things to other people and is usually a result of me feeling frustrated and/or overwhelmed. Things that people actually get upset over don't tend to make me cry, even if I feel it on the inside. But anger yes. That definitely happens.

It's weird how that happens isn't it. Ye it is goof to know other people feel the same way/have to deal with the same stuff. I work with children with ASC but I don't really know any other adults so it can feel quite alone sometimes. I've made peace with the fact it's probably not going to get better but I do worry about it getting worse. The anxiety over social situations has definitely increased since I was a child. I think there is just more pressure and expectation as an adult.

I hope you feel better from your burn out soon.

Are you really me? lol 

I could jut copy and paste everything @Binary has just said, you’re like my doppelgänger, the only difference in being that I know why I’m worts at the moment, I’m in the midst of a severe autistic burnout, which has been brought by all the event in my last two years and the fact I’ve only recently been diagnosed. 

I cant give you constructive advice or say it’s gonna get better because I don’t believe it will for myself, but I have found refuge in knowing I’m not alone and hope you might too. 

I've wondered about this too. I read that a symptom of the condition is one of being seemingly unemotional to certain things yet I've always been deeply emotional inside. The things that make me this way aren't usually things that NT people would become emotional over but still they affect me deeply. Likewise I don't get all teary over things the seem to upset NTs. 

I can definitely related to the anger. I can't just walk away from, what I consider, an injustice, pushing my view or case to the point where nothing else matters.

Social situations are more difficult now than when I was younger, maybe it's because I have less need of them now, I don't exactly go clubbin' it nowadays.

The feeling of failure is very much ever present in my mind with regards to most situations I find myself in, like you said it's almost a perfectionist quality that can't seem to be wrong or cracked.

Another trait is definitely the rigid way of thinking, which extends into my definition of myself. I can't be ok one day but falling apart another because, why? If I was ok yesterday how can I have changed today? I could socialise, to a point, in my youth so why not now? Of course the essence of this is that, I'm not static throughout my life and I, like everyone, will inevitably change. 

Did any of that make sense?

I don't think I feel it as extreme as you but I can certainly relate to some of what you have said.

I have always found social interaction difficult but the anxiety has definitely increased in recent years. I've always been anxious about big social events but now even going to someone's house makes me very anxious. Sometimes I can relax and settle when I get there but other times I remain anxious. I think it depends how it works out when I get there. I'm very self conscious too and I'm aware that I don't really fit in.

My assessor also picked up on my tendencies to be a perfectionist. Not in the practical sense so much as I can't tidy up to save my life. But in myself I hate to get things wrong and I get very embarrassed when I do. For example when I take something literally and that's not how they meant it. I just want to melt into the floor.

I struggle with trust too. So if something happens with someone I did trust then I do find it hard to forgive them and it does take a long time to move on from it. I also find it extremely hard to apologise for something I've done. I don't know why as I always feel sorry and want to be able to sort it out but I just find that an incredibly hard thing to do.

I don't consider myself a particularly emotional personal although I have always been a sensitive one. Anger has always been my default emotion/reaction to most things. In the last couple of years I have definitely become more emotional. I still feel angry first but then I just start to get upset. I hate crying infront of people so I'm finding this quite difficult. Even when I think I've calmed down, when I try to talk about it again I will feel emotional all over again. I don't know why this has changed.

I don't know whether any of that is any help to you.