Aspergers - Extreme Social Anxiety


I've noticed over the last year my social ability has been in serious decline - It's never been exactly natural to me but I used to be able to manage better. I'm finding social interaction of any kind really tricky these days, even with people I am familiar with. I just seem to be very edgy around people, I've always struggled with eye contact and I just feel overly concious. I hear all these things about people with Aspergers being sort of oblivious to social surrounds and admittedly I can often miss the context of interaction but when it comes to myself I am immensely aware of myself and my projection of myself.

I have a sort of perfectionist nature, which is not as arrogant as it sounds, if anything I usually just get frustrated for not living up to my expectations. I think part of the reason I may be so uptight is because I don't want to let loose any hint of a flaw. -I don't want other people to take advantage of or look down upon me for. Any slight crack in this perfect persona and I am a wreck and I tumble quickly.

I just feel surprised as I often hear people on the spectrum are quite the opposite and simply don't care on things like this, where for me it is immensely intimidating and debilitating. I have a yearning to get on with people yet I feel my 'self' is very fragile and being open is very hard for me.

I find forgiveness hard. If someone wrongs me I feel once I have been pushed over a certain boundary I will never be able to be open with them again - This has happened many times within a working environment to where being around that person becomes hostile and unpleasant.

I'm not sure what the objective of this topic is, I guess i just wanted to see if other people on the spectrum are overly emotional as well, as a lot of what I read up seems to project a non-effective manner in general apart from certain triggers, where i feel the slightest thing can rock me emotionally.