How do you keep going?

(Sorry if this is a bit miserable, but I’m at a loss so I’m asking for your help). I have had significant mental health issues for the last 3 years, but over the past 6 months things have escalated following appalling ‘care’ from services. My GP is supportive but there is only so much she can do and everything I have tried (returning to work, new activities, meditation, making complaints about my care, self-help CBT, counselling etc.) has failed to improve the situation.

I have been assessed 3 times since March 2018 and each time I have been advised I require care from the Community Mental Health Team (“CMHT”), and I agree with that, but they refused to see me, blatantly lied to me and messed me around with constantly changing goalposts for 6 months, which has only made matters worse! Just what do I do now? I simply can’t carry on like this - it’s mental torture and I’ve had enough! I can honestly only see one way out, and at least it would leave one less patient for CMHT to abuse...

So, how do you keep going?

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  • (Sorry if this is a bit miserable, but I’m at a loss so I’m asking for your help). I have had significant mental health issues for the last 3 years, but over the past 6 months things have escalated following appalling ‘care’ from services. My GP is supportive but there is only so much she can do and everything I have tried (returning to work, new activities, meditation, making complaints about my care, self-help CBT, counselling etc.) has failed to improve the situation.

    I have been assessed 3 times since March 2018 and each time I have been advised I require care from the Community Mental Health Team (“CMHT”), and I agree with that, but they refused to see me, blatantly lied to me and messed me around with constantly changing goalposts for 6 months, which has only made matters worse! Just what do I do now? I simply can’t carry on like this - it’s mental torture and I’ve had enough! I can honestly only see one way out, and at least it would leave one less patient for CMHT to abuse...

    So, how do you keep going?

    I don't in many ways.  i stopped giving a damn long ago.  I have depression and anxiety, but can not treat either pharmaceutically due to being allergic to all SSRI/SNRI/MAOI at an anaphylaxis level.  i have a small scrip of valium that I use sparingly to deal with the anxiety.  As for the depression, exceptionally heavy duty gym sessions help a lot.  Im talking benching big weights and wrecking my body every which way, at least three times a week.  Doing that seems to keep a lot of the depression and anxiety at bay.  In many ways the depression and anxiety are overshadowed by severe allergies which regularly do try to kill me, but have so far failed to do so.

    Mental health services are not good in general.  I watch them kick people out of the hospital regularly with quite severe behavioural issues, so they can be cared for in the community.  So for a depressive you have no chance outside of a pharmaceutical route, or finding something else like the exercise route. 

    Don't joke about the suicide route, you dont get to do that.  Life is generally crap, but you will get out of bed and deal with it regardless.  You need some medication and maybe a change of GP.  Any GP could give you a scrip for fluoxetine, Citalopram, Mirtazapine, Sertraline or any other anti-depressant.  How well your doctor knows you and your condition will probably factor into whether you can get benzos as a short term band aid.  For me, sertraline was the most beneficial, but came with a ton of side effects and then I became allergic to it, like the others.  You need to prioritise your access to a GP.  if thats not possible call 111 and get a referral to an out-of-hours service as a possible way to bypass the wait time.  Be honest with them and with the doctor you see, tell them your GP is messing you around, the CMHT is messing you around and you need a scrip for your depression as you feel life has become pointless.  That should get you a starter of something.  Be aware that they take a while to kick in fully.  Three months plus for Sertraline, although I found the anxiety reducing effect started fairly quickly (~3 weeks).

    Sorry if this post was a bit preachy.

  • Don't joke about the suicide route, you dont get to do that.

    I don’t quite understand this remark I’m afraid - I was not joking, I have tried to kill myself too many times and nearly died as a result of it (and I wish I had).

    Sertraline I tried once but couldn’t handle the side effects. I use diazepam now and again to help me to settle enough to sleep, but I’m cautious with it as I know it’s addictive. As for the other drugs you mention, I’ve not tried them and this is what I was wanting to discuss with my GP when my appointment was cancelled on Wednesday. I did try asking the out of hours GP for assistance but they refused. I then had rather a breakdown yesterday...

    I agree with you in terms of heavy exercise helping with depression/anxiety, and I used my sports to help me cope a lot up until last year when I tore my ACL. So unfortunately the kind of exercise I require is not currently an option as I recover from my knee surgery. That’s a big part of my current problems in all honesty.

    I have an appointment with my GP for next week, I will try to keep plodding until then.

  • Suicide makes me angry.  That was the context on my quip.  I've known a number of people who have done it in a rather messy way, putting their families through multiple weeks of pain.  Hence i get a bit worked up over it.  I can only apologise if it upset you.

    Please continue to plod on.  Life will get better eventually, it just takes time.

  • I also know of people who committed suicide in messy ways, but I suppose the point to remember is that usually individuals in a suicidal state are not thinking clearly and are very much compelled to carry out the suicide, meaning that they often choose the nearest/easiest means without thinking of the consequences that may have for others. But it doesn’t mean that the person who commits suicide doesn’t care for others feelings, or would regret the pain caused by their actions, it’s just that they are literally unable to comprehend all of that in the moment they choose to act.

    I hope I’ve explained that well enough if you haven’t experienced those feelings yourself. I understand your anger, but personally I choose to be angry about the fact that circumstances/life experiences/mental illnesses lead people to feel suicidal in the first place - after all, prevention is the only cure here!

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  • I also know of people who committed suicide in messy ways, but I suppose the point to remember is that usually individuals in a suicidal state are not thinking clearly and are very much compelled to carry out the suicide, meaning that they often choose the nearest/easiest means without thinking of the consequences that may have for others. But it doesn’t mean that the person who commits suicide doesn’t care for others feelings, or would regret the pain caused by their actions, it’s just that they are literally unable to comprehend all of that in the moment they choose to act.

    I hope I’ve explained that well enough if you haven’t experienced those feelings yourself. I understand your anger, but personally I choose to be angry about the fact that circumstances/life experiences/mental illnesses lead people to feel suicidal in the first place - after all, prevention is the only cure here!

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