Parents continue to be nasty

A few months a go I put a thread on here which talked about my parents and how they are treating me. I was given lots of advice to try and help cope with it and I took the advice, however despite doing that my parents are still being nasty to me. I have tried several times to explain to them why I feel the way I do and only get told to leave, that it’s a wonder I have any friends etc. My friends know about what’s going on and have said to me that I should try not to take any notice of what my parents say as it’s BS and they know otherwise and that they clearly don’t know their own daughter that well. 

My my friends have said to me that I should have nothing to do with my parents as they are putting me down and making me feel I’m nasty when that’s not the case. 

I have now suggested to my parents that I think it would be a good idea if I moved out as we clearly aren’t helping each other. They said it was ridiculous, but after being told I’m a C word, they wish they’d never had me, how I’m nasty, they want nothing to with me, and that I’m causin the family to divorce, I think it would be better. I am at my happiest when I’m with my four closest friends and not them so I think it would help but my parents won’t accept and will not accept that it is them causing me to feel like this as when I’m not around them I’m fine. They have booked a holiday to the US fir all of us, however the welfare person at college said that I shouldn’t go as my parents are causing me to become depressed. I have tried to explain that I think it would be a better idea if I didn’t go, but they say they won’t forgive me. The welfare person said that it’s not up to them regardless of whether they’ve booked the holiday and that I should not go as I need to be away from them. They never understand where I come from though and whilst I am not an ungrateful person I do think the welfare person is right here. 

My parents have always been too nosy and treated me like I’m seriously disabled which just angers me more as I’m not. They said that I’m not allowed to talk to my friends when I’m upset even if it’s about them but it’s not up to them. I can’t get anything through to my parents and am struggling to live s happy life I’m with them. How do I go about telling them that it would be better if I didn’t come? And that I should move out as I feel I’ve exhausted all the options and really can’t live with them due to how they treat me and the above 

Parents
  • I'd advise cutting contact with any toxic person in your life, all they do is bring you down.

    I had to do the same with my parents, not because of my diagnosis (I haven't spoken to them for 3 years now and was only diagnosed last month) but because of their twisted perception of reality informed by their dogmatic religious beliefs.

    Often when I'd visit they'd try and make me watch some media related to it or if I attempted to engage them in rational debate or challenged one of their observations / statements that I had the evidence to prove wrong [such as the Christian definition of what a "Blood Moon" is], it'd just end up with them getting defensive and angry.

    I also made the "mistake" of moving in with my girlfriend which apparently gave them the right to judge our relationship, even telling me that we can't possibly love each other because we're not married and all the usual fundamentalist religious guff.

    One time my mum even referred to my girlfriend as a "whoremonger", which while somewhat amusing was intended to insult - and this from the bastions of love and peace???

    I'd frequently return home highly frustrated and angry.

    Our relationship ended when I had a meltdown at their place as they were once again being unreasonable and I told them exactly what I thought.

    The last thing I said to them in person was "you think you know everything but you know nothing".

    I even wrote them a letter trying to explain why I think they're wrong to be so certain about their beliefs and expressing that I just wanted a normal family relationship and left it up to them to contact me but they haven't so it their loss.

    Makes me wonder if being surrounded by such hypocrisy while growing up has had a hand on my intolerance of it these days.

    It also makes me consider the hypocrisy of the situation, where I'm expected to sit back and accept their beliefs / lifestyle since the age of 5 (not that I could really at that point in my life but that's when they started with the Jesus stuff) but they can't handle me living with someone I love, because of course all they want to do is think about us having pre-marital sex.

    Good riddance I say.

  • Sorry to hear about your horrible time with your parents. I think I will do the same as like you say they are only bringing me down. My friends don’t and every time I tell my parents that, they just say it’s their age. I can’t be dealing with them, particularly this year when I have a dissertation to write. I don’t need people like that in my life. They always say I’m in with the wrong friends too, but that’s none of their business. I will cut contact but am not sure what to do if they start saying I’m being unreasonable as I know they are bound to

Reply
  • Sorry to hear about your horrible time with your parents. I think I will do the same as like you say they are only bringing me down. My friends don’t and every time I tell my parents that, they just say it’s their age. I can’t be dealing with them, particularly this year when I have a dissertation to write. I don’t need people like that in my life. They always say I’m in with the wrong friends too, but that’s none of their business. I will cut contact but am not sure what to do if they start saying I’m being unreasonable as I know they are bound to

Children
  • I think you're wise. It feels like a bad thing to do to cut ties with family but when they're this toxic all you can do is self preservation. A holiday with them sounds like it would be very painful. On holiday you're thrown more together with people and you're cut off from friends who, in your case, are your support network. Unfortunately, family can't always be who we need, they're only human too. Good luck dealing with them and with your dissertation.

  • If you can't have a rational conversation then what purpose does the relationship serve other than being a source of frustration that obviously affects your mental health negatively.