About the "How are you?" question

Yes it can be a loathsome question, often this is how my manager greets me and it is said in such a fast way as to be almost aggressive, I am usually just taking my coat off and often I have to say pardon or sorry I didn't catch that and with some irritation the question is repeated (I feel like there is an element of impatience and that in fact how are you is a bit like a teacher asking the class to settle down and get on with the day and remember I am the one in charge here - you are a potential problem and I am humouring you)

My response is usually "not too bad" and I like to then comment on the weather by which time my manager will have disengaged completely feeling he has fulfilled some social niceity and yet the exchange always leaves me feeling like I want to nave a good shake like a dog, like I need to shake off the weight of or the pressure or the spotlight of the moment in our very silent office.

I think it would be even worse if he genuinely wanted a proper response on the odd occasion when I have given a more lengthy reply I feel like I am revealing too much of myself and like it is being stolen away and filed for future use or discarded, of no value whatsoever.

He might be upset to think his innocent enquiry could create such stress but I would prefer a simple hello and maybe a slight pause and openness of attitude.

Just my thoughts - sorry I went on a bit

Have you told him you would prefer a simple hello and maybe a slight pause and openness of attitude NAS37350? I’m sure he would feel much better as well if he were to do that. I’m sure he senses the awkwardness as well and most likely doesn’t know what else to do as this is a very common form of greeting amongst nt’s, they all seem to be ok with it and know the rules. I’m not saying you’re going to become best friends or anything but I’m sure you would both feel better if you were to tell him how much it bothers you and would he mind keeping it to a simple hello with him pausing a while to give you space to share something if you would like to. You could simply tell him that when you feel pressured to say something you often say more than you would like because some days, you don’t really have much you want to say and you would do better if you could keep the morning greeting to a simple hello. I’m sure he would appreciate you letting him know. In my experience, when I tell people what I need or don’t need, even if they don’t ‘understand’, they’re always accommodating and if they get upset by what I say, I’m not responsible for that, but if you communicate openly  and genuinely with people, they generally cooperate. I don’t have it open for discussion as a way of an argument or criticism or whatever, I don’t justify myself, I just ask kindly that they communicate with me in a way that I can more easily process and deal with. You wouldn’t be asking for much, it’s not unreasonable. 

Thanks for this very thoughtful response Blueray I guess just to say that the question makes me a bit uncomfortable would be acceptable - just very straightforward really might stop me getting all irritated right at the start of the day! 

Thanks for this very thoughtful response Blueray I guess just to say that the question makes me a bit uncomfortable would be acceptable - just very straightforward really might stop me getting all irritated right at the start of the day! 

Yeah, I agree Seven, just tell him that the question makes you a bit uncomfortable. It might be a bit uncomfortable to have that conversation, but the short term discomfort would be worth the long term gains and it would be so much nicer to start your day on a good note rather than being irritated. 

I’m finding that sometimes, I just need little tweaks to my day, that others might view as rather insignificant, but they have a huge positive impact on my day which is of course a very good thing and it means that I am less tired and worn out by the end of the week and overall, in the long term, they are having a positive as opposed to a negative effect on my health and well being, which overtime, adds up to either a lot of good or a lot of bad/toxic build up.