Body language/facial expressions

I've had the same problem for as long as I can remember, and I have also read books about body language, but they didn't help me as much as I hoped. I think it's because in a book the various facial expressions are laid out in pictures with full explanation, but in real life no one "freezes" for long enough for you accurately identify what it was. You can memorise stuff about the angle of the eyebrows and the direction their feet are pointing in, but who has time to work through all that when the expressions are often so fleeting or ambiguous? Not to mention attempting to tailor their own body language to fit in real time.

I received a group email from Head of sector saying that during a full team meeting- some people were being disrespectful and rude. This was followed by an email from my line manager saying that it was me they were referring to.  Shocked I phone the Head of Sector to ask why they would accuse me of something like that, when I was clearly engaged and haven't disrespected anyone ever.  Apparently it wa as down to some facial expressions that someone had seen. I really don't know when this occurred.  It was a full day meeting setting off at 6am with an overnight stay to contine.  Feels like I'm being bullied for being 'different'.

I received a group email from Head of sector saying that during a full team meeting- some people were being disrespectful and rude. This was followed by an email from my line manager saying that it was me they were referring to.  Shocked I phone the Head of Sector to ask why they would accuse me of something like that, when I was clearly engaged and haven't disrespected anyone ever.  Apparently it wa as down to some facial expressions that someone had seen. I really don't know when this occurred.  It was a full day meeting setting off at 6am with an overnight stay to contine.  Feels like I'm being bullied for being 'different'.

I can't tell what facial expressions or body language I am showing either. I was once just concentrating on my work when a colleague asked me why I was frowning. It hadn't even occurred to me. I have heard a few instances on the Sarah Hendrickx videos where she talks about asking her partner what expression she is or should be showing. I was fascinated by this. I wouldn't have a clue about Changing my facial expression to suit the occasion... isn't that acting? I have enough trouble with all the other things going on without trying to teach myself what I should look like if I could work out what that was supposed to be. I suppose if I don't know or can't identify how I am feeling.. how does my face and body Language know what to do? Is it really important to show the right face? But you are right I have been searching on the internet to try to find something about it but the internet doesn't seem to know what I am asking as if it's a completely alien concept. So I can't help with an answer. For me it isn't a priority as I don't have the reserves to change that in myself. I suppose actually learning to identify what I am feeling would be a start. 

Tho I associate raised eyebrows as an expression of surprise!!! I think Oliver Hardy was a master of this, as he was usually surprised or exasperated at something Stan had done. I love Stan and Ollie!!!

I'm glad people have found this interesting, but I don't think I was sufficiently clear in my original post.

I've pretty much given up on ever being able to read anyone else's body language. What I would like to know is if there's any way I can learn to identify the expression showing on my own face at a particular moment without looking in a mirror

California said:

Yes, I also get away with ''Fine, thanks'' but that is not a natural answer. I use this answer just to answer something. However, sometimes, I feel bad but I still feel that the expected answer is ''Fine, OK''.

I do not like when people ask ''How are you?'' as never know what to answer. I do not ask this question. I think that people think that I am rude, selfish or do not care about others. That is not true as most of the time I try my best to help someone but I do not really know what to do with the answers to the ''How are you?'' question. I do not know what I am expected to do.

Sometimes, to bring a bit of fun in, which so does not work on every occasion, but, when people ask me,

"How are you?"

I say,

"Well ~ my mother and father met and the rest has been history so far!"

On other occasions when people ask me if I am alright, I say,

"I am half left or otherwise I would topple over!"

Seriously though, you are just supposed to report that you are OK, fine or alright, no matter whether it is true or not, and then if you are or not the inquirer can decide on this as to whether to ask anything more about you.

A lot of the time it is just pure unfettered social ritual, and as such it is more really just saying repeatedly spoken lines in the theatrical sense. 

There is book called the GAMES PEOPLE PLAY by ERIC BERNE M.D., and explains all the rules involved with social ritual regarding communication.

ElephantInTheRoom said:

I am up for holding still images of facial expressions...next to people in order to gauge their mode....maybe someone should develop the board game "guess who" to relate to people's facial gestures...I.e are the eyebrows raised?, are they smiling?....you guessed right...it is Mrs Brown an she is slighted peed off....

Forget the maybe ~ go for the certainty that Carol Grey developed 'Social Stories' with children's and adult's versions aplenty sometime in the fifties or sixties perhaps.

Moogle the Google with the topic maybe?

[quote user="ElephantInTheRoom"]

the depth of your wisdom is as welcome and profound as always....I am being daft and childish as this is my silly coping mechanism.....strategies welcomed.... it also demonstrates extreme lack in some departments of emotional intelligence and I suppose a way of displaying myself as non threatening to others....I am conscious that it is also probably bloody annoying! 

Yes, I quite like the depth of my wisdom too, being that is very difficult indeed to drown in dew.

As for developing emotional intelligence, learn to be patient, rush not, and pace yourself evenly with deep pelvic breathing ~ as this allows emotional feelings of love to be experienced; rather than reproductive emotions of addictive lust ~ involving competitive social status and status anxiety as a result.

With the non-threatening or annoying thing, prepare oneself here, deep-pelvic-breathing, you are not threatening, deep-pelvic-breathing, but you do, deep-pelvic-breathing, like many of us, deep-pelvic-breathing, have a few boundary issues. The fact you describe having shut downs is pretty definitive really. The thing is not to go down those rabbit holes too deeply, and learn in a sense to disassociate from doing so.

In my case, as a weekly exercise, along with the daily deep-pelvic-breathing, I would listen to classical music from O Fortuna of Carmina Burana by Carl Orff, and on through five or six others to Pachelbel's Canon, which I find very moving, and learnt to stay evenly content and calm while doing so.

When zoned in use (or get your SO to put on so you can use) classical music on any well favourable concert pitch used before 1945, and give Mozart, Bach or else anything a go with harmonic overtones being seriously involved such as Tibetan tonal chanting, etcetera, etcetera.

Check 'mynoise.net' for unscrambling the synaptic networks perhaps.

I was always and still am asked,why so sad? Or cheer up! I usually say rather loudly,I am ok thanks I just look like this..I can assimilate with most of the comments here,I once had a teacher shout at me"bring your notebook here" she was reading out points for us to write down,I was focused on something outside the window ,I took my notebook up to her to see,she got a big shock as I was writing as I was looking elsewhere, she just said,go and sit down and at least look like your paying attention.

I am up for holding still images of facial expressions...next to people in order to gauge their mode....maybe someone should develop the board game "guess who" to relate to people's facial gestures...I.e are the eyebrows raised?, are they smiling?....you guessed right...it is Mrs Brown an she is slighted peed off....

the depth of your wisdom is as welcome and profound as always....I am being daft and childish as this is my silly coping mechanism.....strategies welcomed.... it also demonstrates extreme lack in some departments of emotional intelligence and I suppose a way of displaying myself as non threatening to others....I am conscious that it is also probably bloody annoying! 

ladynicotine said:

This may seem a little random.  I've been reading some material about body language, in the hopes that I might be able to improve my reading of other peoples body language - something I feel I'm very bad at.  Everything I've read seems to be assuming that you're capable of reading your own body language - for instance knowing what expression is on your own face without looking in a mirror. 

When it comes to faces you may or not have a condition as part of your Autistic trait assemblage called 'Prosopagnosia',  (attempt at ironic humour attempt ahead) or more technically speaking ~ 'face blindness'. The basic problem with body language is that many people try to go for the facial recognition patterns first, rather than the 'body-language' itself.

Keep in mind that about 40% of communication is verbal language , and about 60% is behavioural language.

Anyhow, facial recognition is rather a specialist subject anyway, consider terms like the mask of lies, theatrical personae, grin and bare it, crocodile tears and smiles and all that, whereas the preliminary subject of body language really needs to be the basic postures and gestures, which is fundamentally requisite in any person to person communication exchange anyway ~ to get the basic plot.

If you do not have 'facial-blindness' (prosopagnosia), learning the basic body language stuff, will allow the facial recognition stuff to develop as a compensation. in the work one and get the other free sense of things, if you do have prosopagnosia ~ 60% body-language will get you by by proportion better.

Another thing that might work if you have not got prosopagnosia, is learning to differentiate between the general range of facial hues or illuminations, i.e. dark and brooding and on in stages up to cheerful and bright, which you can do with Youtube still-images of a particular person who runs regular video shows. Perhaps check 'The Anmish' by Maja Toudal.

The basic gist is to learn to recognise or 'see' the ranges of behaviour and facial categories bit by bit, small steps stylie. Oh ~ maybe watch a bit of classical Shakespearian acting with the real pros being that every word and sentence in involves very set and specific postures and gestures. I learnt loads off of actors in this respect, and those who are very camp indeed have highly exaggerated body language which can make things a-lot more clearer and therefore simpler.

I am also often asked if I am paying attention, as I do not look interested enough, though I know I am listening. Unless, these is too much information and I experience information overload. Then I lose track.

This is realy interesting and I had never thought about it before.

My partner is always asking me what my expression is for, or why I am standing in a specific way, as if i'm trying to convey something, yet I have no idea what she eans as I am not trying to convey anything.

Also I am often asked if I am paying attention, as I do not look interested enough, though I know I am listening.

Great thread Ladynicotine! I will be reassessing things (While I remember)

Yes, I also get away with ''Fine, thanks'' but that is not a natural answer. I use this answer just to answer something. However, sometimes, I feel bad but I still feel that the expected answer is ''Fine, OK''.

I do not like when people ask ''How are you?'' as never know what to answer. I do not ask this question. I think that people think that I am rude, selfish or do not care about others. That is not true as most of the time I try my best to help someone but I do not really know what to do with the answers to the ''How are you?'' question. I do not know what I am expected to do.

In this situation I can usually get away with "fine thanks, & yourself?"  I think it's just a "placeholder" sort of question, used to give people's mouths something socially acceptable to do while their brain is doing something more interesting!

That's a common thing. People often ask me - how are you? And I do not know what to answer. Not sure why people this question. There is nothing really to answer, unless I am extremely bad or extremely happy.

In a further complication, I apparently can't identify any emotions except really strong ones - for instance someone will ask me what I'm so stressed about, or what's upset me, & the answer is nothing I'm fine, as I honestly don't feel stressed/upset/whatever it is they're asking about.

I am also very bad at reading of other peoples body language.

I am not sure whether I can read my own body language but I know when I smile. Probably, I am also struggling with that. But it is easier because I know how I feel at that moment.