Managing Shutdowns

I think maybe the idea of a secure detached house would be so many people's dream, autistic or not, but that kind of alone/do it on your own terms space is very far from most people's reality sadly.  Is there any part of you that wishes you could 'join in' more, or are you completely at peace like this?

Not radical at all..

i tend to manage my days like that too....i hover around at home getting things done and if I need to go out or interact with others it can be a struggle of will to find the best part of the day to do that and then also planning closed self time afterwards so I can compose myself and recover.

I'm new to these forums but already learning a lot. I was aware of "meltdowns", which I experience whenever I have to spend more than an hour or two in other people's company. (It's probably no more pleasant for the other people than it is for me.) Googling "shutdown" suggests that it's my usual state, and has been so since early childhood, i.e. for fifty years. Living alone in a detached house, I have the pleasure of not being required to "recover" from my "shutdowns". When I feel ready to "resurface" from them, I go out and weed my front garden and comment on the weather to passers-by. After an hour or two of this, I go back indoors and "shut down" again.

Every autistic man or woman should be given a detached house to live in in their natural "shutdown" state, from which they can emerge to chat to passers-by if and only if they're in the mood for it.

Apologies if this is too radical.

You can only delete your own postings though...before you get creative! Lol

If you click on the 'more' button...you can choose to edit your comments or deleted them....you can only delete them though if no one has replied to them :) 

Ha Ha!

How do you do that? 

I deleted it :-)

Oh I see.. silly me! Didn't think of that 

Such a shame Spotty. People must really appreciate your work to have 10,000 followers. It seems with so many a gallery would probably love to show your work. I hope you can find the confidence or like you said an agent to set it up. Does very much sound like you need to recharge your batteries. And as we keep saying to each other ... not to beat yourself up! You will move forward it might just take a bit longer that's all.. 

I didn't think it would get past the moderators for long. lol!

Where's the other one one gone with xxxx in it? 

I would love  to see some of your art...if you ever feel brave enough to share....this is when you need someone to step in and be your voice....when dealing with your fans! 

we all have our limits, our strengths and challenges.....we are all awesome...just not at everything....show me someone who is.....dare you! ;) 

Me too!

This was exactly my thought when I found artists posting their work on social media, I thought quite literally **** this, my work has as much right to be in the world as everyone else's.  So I started drawing and posting my abstract 'brainscapes' and they got seen, I even sold a few to America  and Australia and I thought I could handle it.  But it turns out that communication is key, people messaged me asking for more work or if they could buy this or that but by this time I was overloaded and just didn't answer them.  Epic fail and cue the search for what the hell was/is going on.

Nothing like self-sabotage, I have nearly ten thousand followers and it turns out I hate being in a spotlight so ab unable to sell stuff without being a gibbering wreck.  I need an agent of some kind but my confidence deserts me at the thought of approaching galleries.  Apologies if this is repetitive (just like my life)!  I have a distant sense of optimism that I will find a way forward and that is progress.

Love it.. excellent! 

Thought of the day...

Well yes the combination of workaholic, illness and death  of someone you know , being in limbo regarding diagnosis and the learning curve/realisation of it all.. a lot to take in. Not every one is clear cut case and so the what if I am / what if I'm not/ and what am I if they say I'm not questions swish about. The first team assessing me just left me feeling bewildered but the Dr who diagnosed me was great, experienced and very kind. So I hope you haven't much longer to wait. It does sound like you need a break. Don't feel under pressure to go to the funeral or carry on maintaining the garden. Probate and house sales can take a long time. Yes I agree.. the posts about parents and families make me feel sad too. There was hardly anything known in my childhood , there is a lot of information now but still so many people of all ages struggling, not getting screened or knowing where to get help. I will give my raspberries another chance! I was going to dig them up. Take a break somewhere if you can to give yourself a breather if you can muster the energy to arrange it. 

It is nice to know that you have kind people around you, nut please try to be kind to yourself.

as you have said in your post...,you are telling yourself to shut down, recover and rebalance yourself....you also seem tired and over empathic to the suffering of others....,,why it's that heightened when we ourselves are in pain? Is that projecting? Mirroring?....trying to, as always, identify and connect with others..  ,or you own self control mechanism of trying to seek out those you perceived as having a worse tine that you.....are you buttoning up and rationalising where you are out.

i really feel for you at the moment....,thinking of you x

Hi Misfit, I am trying to forgive myself over the sofa black hole scenario but you are right, it isn't easy, but realising that I'm running on empty and stopping for a bit is really the only solution.  I've been an artistic workaholic for the last eighteen months so maybe I just need a break.

The death of my garden client is a weird one, it wasn't unexpected and he was in a lot of pain but it is still rather sad.  I also do his friends garden and saw him today, he said I was welcome to attend the funeral, I half feel like I ought to but don't think I can face it.  They also expect me to continue looking after the garden until the house is sold, apparently he hasn't left it to anyone and has no relatives.  I find it kind of weird being there now he has gone and dread how long it might take for the house to be sold...

I love Green Card too, once wrote a kind of poem inspired by the fish in the pool.  My Step Father is a keen and knowledgeable gardener with a lot of fruit, he lost all his raspberries this year, something to do with the weather, so I don't think it was you.

I can remember that feeling of pain on being required to speak, it's awful, thankfully I haven't got quite that bad yet and I hope it eases for you. I think I'm bouncing around in all those phases of grief that have been mentioned and it's hard to feel there can be any resolution without an official diagnosis as the 'fraud' mentality creeps in.

I keep reading posts too from parents who are having a desperate time trying to get their children diagnosed and being treated badly by the so called professionals.  It's very sad to learn that depending on where you live some things haven't improved since we were kids.

Hope your day is going ok and the sun is making an appearance.