Noise issues causing serious issues

Thecornflake said:

Hi,

I'm 38 and following chatting to a friend recently diagnosed with high functioning autism and doing a lot of research I'm reasonably sure I have aspergers. I'm in two minds about actually seeking a diagnosis but that's probably another discussion altogether.

One big issue I've had for a number of years is bad reaction to noise caused by other people, although in specific circumstances. The usual thing is if I perceive it as someone being unreasonable (linking to the known issues with people 'not playing by the rules') so even if it's not very loud it can cause problems. This has led to quite violent reactions and sometimes I don't always remember the entire episode, I'm guessing it's effectively a meltdown but I experience extreme anger towards the source of the noise. A classic example would be neighbours playing loud music, even if it's a few doors down the road having a bbq at 3pm on a Sunday afternoon.

I'm due to be seeing a psychiatrist soon to have an assessment related to these specific issues (so not specifically for anything asd although I have mentioned I think I may be on the spectrum).

I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced similar issues and if so if they found a way to cope. I've had brief sessions of cbt over the phone before but it didn't help. It was all based around me being the issue not the people being noisy and the problem is because I believe it's the other people being unreasonable so it went agianst what I believe.

Hello Thecornflake,

Firstly, there are many other factors that could point to the possibility of Asperger's - but I'm sure you've looked into that.

Regarding noise sensitivity, I too have a problem.  A reasonable level of background ambient noise is okay - passing traffic, etc.  But when it becomes intrusive, it becomes unbearable.  If I'm on a bus or train and someone is speaking loudly into their phone, I have to move.  Same if someone is listening to music with headphones, but it's still audible.  Other people may huff and puff, but say nothing.  With me, it leads to fury unless I get away from the source.

If I'm in a supermarket, I'm generally okay.  Until, again, you get people shouting into phones, or shouting at kids.  It makes me feel like being in an Eastenders episode!

I think that people, generally, have become either much noisier - or less caring about the impact their noise has on others.  There are 'Noisy Neighbour' forums on the internet, and you'll find loads and loads of posts from people with the same problem.  I once lived in a flat on our seafront.  It was a lovely flat - but it was 18 months of hell for me.  Boy racers screeching around and honking horns sometimes as late as 3 am.  A pub next door that had regular live music nights.  A pizza take-away downstairs with staff who'd stand out on the pavement late at night talking to one another, slamming car doors, etc.  Neighbours downstairs - in their 50s, so perhaps old enough to know better - who had balcony parties every weekend in the summer... using not a normal stereo, but amplifiers.  And another bunch of young guys downstairs who had regular Friday night rave-ups.  When I spoke to these people about it, I inevitably got responses along the lines of 'Well... it's the weekend, ain't it.  Move somewhere else', or 'If you don't like it, complain to the council.'  I did this several times.  I was told to diarise things for a week.  I did.  I was then told they'd install noise monitoring equipment.  They did.  They decided the noise levels were acceptable!

I was on ESA at the time, so found it difficult to move.  When I did finally find somewhere else, I was so traumatised by my experience that I lived in one room for weeks - scared to go into rooms above the downstairs tenant in case I could hear him.  It took a long while to get over that.

So... I don't think what you're talking about necessarily points to anything other than simply other people's thoughtlessness.  However, I could be wrong, and only you know the true levels of what is tolerable for you.  Have you spoken to other neighbours to see if they're similarly affected?

Back to the diagnosis thing... if you do think you might be autistic (have you tried the online preliminary screening test?) and decide to go down the diagnostic route, it can take a while.  Over 2 years for me, from initial screening to diagnosis. 

Diagnosis, as others will tell you, can give you mixed feelings.  Overwhelmingly though, for me, it has been positive.  Now I know I'm not an oddball, over-sensitive, anxious, obsessive control freak.  I have a condition that's recognised.  And as such, I can get help for it, and expect to have reasonable adjustments made (such as in the workplace) to accommodate me.

Hope this has been of some help to you.

Best regards,

Tom

Thecornflake said:

Hi,

I'm 38 and following chatting to a friend recently diagnosed with high functioning autism and doing a lot of research I'm reasonably sure I have aspergers. I'm in two minds about actually seeking a diagnosis but that's probably another discussion altogether.

One big issue I've had for a number of years is bad reaction to noise caused by other people, although in specific circumstances. The usual thing is if I perceive it as someone being unreasonable (linking to the known issues with people 'not playing by the rules') so even if it's not very loud it can cause problems. This has led to quite violent reactions and sometimes I don't always remember the entire episode, I'm guessing it's effectively a meltdown but I experience extreme anger towards the source of the noise. A classic example would be neighbours playing loud music, even if it's a few doors down the road having a bbq at 3pm on a Sunday afternoon.

I'm due to be seeing a psychiatrist soon to have an assessment related to these specific issues (so not specifically for anything asd although I have mentioned I think I may be on the spectrum).

I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced similar issues and if so if they found a way to cope. I've had brief sessions of cbt over the phone before but it didn't help. It was all based around me being the issue not the people being noisy and the problem is because I believe it's the other people being unreasonable so it went agianst what I believe.

Hello Thecornflake,

Firstly, there are many other factors that could point to the possibility of Asperger's - but I'm sure you've looked into that.

Regarding noise sensitivity, I too have a problem.  A reasonable level of background ambient noise is okay - passing traffic, etc.  But when it becomes intrusive, it becomes unbearable.  If I'm on a bus or train and someone is speaking loudly into their phone, I have to move.  Same if someone is listening to music with headphones, but it's still audible.  Other people may huff and puff, but say nothing.  With me, it leads to fury unless I get away from the source.

If I'm in a supermarket, I'm generally okay.  Until, again, you get people shouting into phones, or shouting at kids.  It makes me feel like being in an Eastenders episode!

I think that people, generally, have become either much noisier - or less caring about the impact their noise has on others.  There are 'Noisy Neighbour' forums on the internet, and you'll find loads and loads of posts from people with the same problem.  I once lived in a flat on our seafront.  It was a lovely flat - but it was 18 months of hell for me.  Boy racers screeching around and honking horns sometimes as late as 3 am.  A pub next door that had regular live music nights.  A pizza take-away downstairs with staff who'd stand out on the pavement late at night talking to one another, slamming car doors, etc.  Neighbours downstairs - in their 50s, so perhaps old enough to know better - who had balcony parties every weekend in the summer... using not a normal stereo, but amplifiers.  And another bunch of young guys downstairs who had regular Friday night rave-ups.  When I spoke to these people about it, I inevitably got responses along the lines of 'Well... it's the weekend, ain't it.  Move somewhere else', or 'If you don't like it, complain to the council.'  I did this several times.  I was told to diarise things for a week.  I did.  I was then told they'd install noise monitoring equipment.  They did.  They decided the noise levels were acceptable!

I was on ESA at the time, so found it difficult to move.  When I did finally find somewhere else, I was so traumatised by my experience that I lived in one room for weeks - scared to go into rooms above the downstairs tenant in case I could hear him.  It took a long while to get over that.

So... I don't think what you're talking about necessarily points to anything other than simply other people's thoughtlessness.  However, I could be wrong, and only you know the true levels of what is tolerable for you.  Have you spoken to other neighbours to see if they're similarly affected?

Back to the diagnosis thing... if you do think you might be autistic (have you tried the online preliminary screening test?) and decide to go down the diagnostic route, it can take a while.  Over 2 years for me, from initial screening to diagnosis. 

Diagnosis, as others will tell you, can give you mixed feelings.  Overwhelmingly though, for me, it has been positive.  Now I know I'm not an oddball, over-sensitive, anxious, obsessive control freak.  I have a condition that's recognised.  And as such, I can get help for it, and expect to have reasonable adjustments made (such as in the workplace) to accommodate me.

Hope this has been of some help to you.

Best regards,

Tom