What Did I Do Wrong?

NAS9920 said:

....2. l'esprit de l'escalier - this is a thought phenomenon. it occurs as a result of an overwelming amount of information, in the moment. the information can only be processed after the event, which then gives rise to what is often regarded as 'the perfect answer'. it's not the same as hindsight. hindsight tends to be the result of a learning experience eg. oh, i'll know what to do next time, that was a total balls up, i won't be doing that again. l'espirit de l'escalier is literally a fog of thinking that blinds in the moment, and is related to a processing of information via the sub-conscious eg sub-conscious overload. one's thinking, or rather the gears of one's machine, literally grind to a halt, then later jump into action again. it is also a time perception issue in that, one has to make a decision NOW!!! - but of course one never has to make a decision right away. it is a paradox thought pattern that one has to make a decision NOW. it's a flaw of perception in that, rushing is a state of mind. it is a false fight/flight response generated by a sense of perceived urgency that does not exist..

in a more subtle way, l'esprit de l'escalier is linked to self-confidence and also, doubt bunnies (see 3. below)                   

3. doubt bunnies - these lovely little creatures hop about, and start hopping about, making one question making the right decision - the thought processes (the bunnies) then obsessively reprocess. this is similar to the replay, but is an anxiety fuelled reflex which has developed over the years and is very subtle but also very insidious in that it jsut burns away in the background. think of it as, like bunnies, fluffballs that eventually seem to breed like mad and seem to be generated by anything. this is a stimulus issue. but also this is a self-reliance, self-trust, reasurrance issue. it is reassuring to feed the bunnies because otherwise the bunnies will start nibbling away. s variables involved now in processing and making the right decisions. often it is more comforting to be in control of one's own punishment, rather than take one's eye off the ball and then have the shock of something coming unexpectedly that one should have thought about. it's a guilt/punishment way of thinking, and bunnies are the result - very tricky.

4. the right answer paradox (parking dither) - this is a paradox. there is no right or wrong answer, there is only truth or lie. however, oooh however, there are variables. the seeking of simplicity, eg. reducing everything to its fundamental simple and simplistic equation that produces the solution <--this, is what the 'right answer' thinking/problem/issue is trying to resolve. similarly to eryberrie's replay thinking, the 'right answer' paradox can be a very stressful experience in itself, almost like water-torture etc etc. strategies to deal with this create a move towards simplicity and a resultant stripping back of extraneous information. often, one will find one is then put into a trap of literally not being able to make a decision. it's like when people drive round car parks, dithering about where to park. it's a spacial thinking process - see 1. above - and is about organisation of a visual pattern in the mind of how things fit together, and therefore to permit one to choose the right thing, thus avoiding error/punishment - see 3. bunnies...

Thanks, Ferret.  Much of this is I think an accurate analysis of some of my thought processes, though whether I can change them is another matter!  Of course while it may be true that "one never has to make a decision right away" in a shopping situation, there are many areas of life where immediate decisions are required.  It's probably the main reason I've never learned to drive or even ride a bicycle.  Never mind "parking dither" (which I realise is primarily an example or metaphor), I'd dither about every one of the dozens of decisions required in even a short car journey.  And I'd be too busy assessing my previous decisions to focus on the new ones ahead!  Even as a pedestrian, I struggle with judging the right moment to cross a busy road and after enduring several minutes of whizzing vehicles I sometimes even sit on the pavement in despair.

One of the most painful and high-pressure areas of decision-making for me involves pets in their final illnesses.  It was difficult enough in the past when the main decision was only choosing the "right" moment for euthanasia.  But now the veterinary world has absorbed many of the techniques from human medicine, most vets make you feel like you don't care enough about your pet if you won't send him to the vet hospital twenty miles away and spend thousands on invasive tests and treatments which probably won't help.  It isn't even just a question of money; even if insured, is it right to put a seriously ill and probably dying animal through all that stress?  But if you don't, the decision cannot be revoked... 

NAS9920 said:

....2. l'esprit de l'escalier - this is a thought phenomenon. it occurs as a result of an overwelming amount of information, in the moment. the information can only be processed after the event, which then gives rise to what is often regarded as 'the perfect answer'. it's not the same as hindsight. hindsight tends to be the result of a learning experience eg. oh, i'll know what to do next time, that was a total balls up, i won't be doing that again. l'espirit de l'escalier is literally a fog of thinking that blinds in the moment, and is related to a processing of information via the sub-conscious eg sub-conscious overload. one's thinking, or rather the gears of one's machine, literally grind to a halt, then later jump into action again. it is also a time perception issue in that, one has to make a decision NOW!!! - but of course one never has to make a decision right away. it is a paradox thought pattern that one has to make a decision NOW. it's a flaw of perception in that, rushing is a state of mind. it is a false fight/flight response generated by a sense of perceived urgency that does not exist..

in a more subtle way, l'esprit de l'escalier is linked to self-confidence and also, doubt bunnies (see 3. below)                   

3. doubt bunnies - these lovely little creatures hop about, and start hopping about, making one question making the right decision - the thought processes (the bunnies) then obsessively reprocess. this is similar to the replay, but is an anxiety fuelled reflex which has developed over the years and is very subtle but also very insidious in that it jsut burns away in the background. think of it as, like bunnies, fluffballs that eventually seem to breed like mad and seem to be generated by anything. this is a stimulus issue. but also this is a self-reliance, self-trust, reasurrance issue. it is reassuring to feed the bunnies because otherwise the bunnies will start nibbling away. s variables involved now in processing and making the right decisions. often it is more comforting to be in control of one's own punishment, rather than take one's eye off the ball and then have the shock of something coming unexpectedly that one should have thought about. it's a guilt/punishment way of thinking, and bunnies are the result - very tricky.

4. the right answer paradox (parking dither) - this is a paradox. there is no right or wrong answer, there is only truth or lie. however, oooh however, there are variables. the seeking of simplicity, eg. reducing everything to its fundamental simple and simplistic equation that produces the solution <--this, is what the 'right answer' thinking/problem/issue is trying to resolve. similarly to eryberrie's replay thinking, the 'right answer' paradox can be a very stressful experience in itself, almost like water-torture etc etc. strategies to deal with this create a move towards simplicity and a resultant stripping back of extraneous information. often, one will find one is then put into a trap of literally not being able to make a decision. it's like when people drive round car parks, dithering about where to park. it's a spacial thinking process - see 1. above - and is about organisation of a visual pattern in the mind of how things fit together, and therefore to permit one to choose the right thing, thus avoiding error/punishment - see 3. bunnies...

Thanks, Ferret.  Much of this is I think an accurate analysis of some of my thought processes, though whether I can change them is another matter!  Of course while it may be true that "one never has to make a decision right away" in a shopping situation, there are many areas of life where immediate decisions are required.  It's probably the main reason I've never learned to drive or even ride a bicycle.  Never mind "parking dither" (which I realise is primarily an example or metaphor), I'd dither about every one of the dozens of decisions required in even a short car journey.  And I'd be too busy assessing my previous decisions to focus on the new ones ahead!  Even as a pedestrian, I struggle with judging the right moment to cross a busy road and after enduring several minutes of whizzing vehicles I sometimes even sit on the pavement in despair.

One of the most painful and high-pressure areas of decision-making for me involves pets in their final illnesses.  It was difficult enough in the past when the main decision was only choosing the "right" moment for euthanasia.  But now the veterinary world has absorbed many of the techniques from human medicine, most vets make you feel like you don't care enough about your pet if you won't send him to the vet hospital twenty miles away and spend thousands on invasive tests and treatments which probably won't help.  It isn't even just a question of money; even if insured, is it right to put a seriously ill and probably dying animal through all that stress?  But if you don't, the decision cannot be revoked...