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What Did I Do Wrong?

Eryberrie

Hi everyone,

It's been almost 17 years since this incident and I still think of it often. I still don't know what I did wrong and if anyone could enlighten me, please do.

I was 16, had left school and was going to college to do a diploma.  Although the diploma was about health, part of the diploma required us to do numeracy and literacy.  The first two sessions of these subjects involved each member of the group (exacly 20 young women) doing an assessment just to see what stage we were at.

The assessments were really easy.  Not even SAT level.  About two thirds of the group found it easy, some found it a little hard.  However, there was one member ("T") who found it extremely hard.  

The first week, we did the literacy assessment and T was very vocal about her struggles with it.  She didn't say if she was dyslexic or anything but she complained throughout the hour we had to complete the paper.  

The next week, we did the numeracy assessment.  This time, T was VERY vocal about her struggles and was even more vocal.  In the middle of the assessment, I pointed out that T struggled the previous week and is now struggling with the current week.

Both T and the other girls ripped into me for saying that.  I stated a fact and T herself was very clear about her struggles so I failed to see what I did wrong in repeating it.  The next day, I was forced to apologise to T in the presence of our tutor.  

I didn't mean any harm and I was just saying what was true - please could anyone let me know as to why my repetition of what T said was inappropriate?

Parents

  • Hi Eryberrie

    By the sound of it, you needn't do anything wrong, in a moral sense; indeed, you were trying to help.  But, in doing so, you merely violated the NT rule that one must not draw attention to problems, especially those of other people, because that forces the group or the person in charge to deal with them!

    But what's more significant, in my opinion, is that 17 years later you "still think of it often".  I'm gradually realising that this "endless mental replay" is possibly the single most significant aspect of my own Asperger's.  It's a trait that receives very little coverage (in my experience) but several people have mentioned it in recent discussions.

    In my case, it's the most common cause of my insomnia. I can't "switch off". Yet it does not necessarily equate to anxiety or guilt, as therapists always assume when I tell them about it.  Sometimes I endlessly replay in my head conversations or events that do not worry me and may even have been pleasant when they were actually experienced.  But nevertheless I feel an urge to endlessly repeat them, perhaps to try to arrive at some objective truth... which only becomes more elusive with each replay.

Reply

  • Hi Eryberrie

    By the sound of it, you needn't do anything wrong, in a moral sense; indeed, you were trying to help.  But, in doing so, you merely violated the NT rule that one must not draw attention to problems, especially those of other people, because that forces the group or the person in charge to deal with them!

    But what's more significant, in my opinion, is that 17 years later you "still think of it often".  I'm gradually realising that this "endless mental replay" is possibly the single most significant aspect of my own Asperger's.  It's a trait that receives very little coverage (in my experience) but several people have mentioned it in recent discussions.

    In my case, it's the most common cause of my insomnia. I can't "switch off". Yet it does not necessarily equate to anxiety or guilt, as therapists always assume when I tell them about it.  Sometimes I endlessly replay in my head conversations or events that do not worry me and may even have been pleasant when they were actually experienced.  But nevertheless I feel an urge to endlessly repeat them, perhaps to try to arrive at some objective truth... which only becomes more elusive with each replay.

Children
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