is it normal

longman said:

A few years ago I was talking to a human resources person who said she would not employ people with AS because one place where she worked a young AS male was touching female staff inappropriately - she wouldn't explain further. When you consider how much inappropriate touching goes on in workplaces, her assertion is all the more ridiculous.

That is ridiculous. I've never met anyone with AS who does this. In fact, (this may not be an AS thing, apparently) a male friend of mine refuses to touch any of his female friends.

Hi longman -

I'm not offended by your comment. I understand some people have issues with that stuff, I know I don't. I know that you are trying to help the others and that's a kind thing to do.

I'm sorry I can't offer any more help in this area.

I think most of us worry too much about getting into trouble to actually do much wrong.

It would be interesting to know if there are any statistics that show that people with AS are any more likely to offend than people not ASD.

A lot of very inappropriate behaviour goes on between non-AS adults, especially in the workplace.  It is just that it is done in a subtle manner, with humour, and covered over by social patter and inference that those on AS cannot emulate. This doesn't make it right, and that's why there is such a strong action against it happening by equality groups.

The real difference for people with AS is that they are likely not to be subtle, or able to cover up the inference, and they may be clumsy. So the incident may seem much worse in other people's minds.

A few years ago I was talking to a human resources person who said she would not employ people with AS because one place where she worked a young AS male was touching female staff inappropriately - she wouldn't explain further. When you consider how much inappropriate touching goes on in workplaces, her assertion is all the more ridiculous.

What is needed though is better guidance about the difficulties people on the spectrum are likely to encounter. The books I've found mostly seem designed to make people on the spectrum more self conscious and inhibited.

They don't mention what goes on in the non-AS population.

longman said:

There is a lot of public concern that people on the autistic spectrum will pester or stalk or behave obsessively towards others.

I was accused of this a few years ago. At the time, I had depression and the person involved (who also has ASD) would constantly claim that I was obsessed with him and I pretty much denied this.

On the subject of stalking, he posted a picture of his then work place on Facebook and I said (I think he knew anyway) that I sometimes go past there - not to see / stalk him, mind. Worryingly, I was the only person who replied to that.

Your life will probably be a great deal easier for being contented with not needing to get involved in such things.

Reading many posts on here it does bring unhappiness and frustration for those that do need to find relationships or other involvements.  Also many are left questing what for them may be the unattainable, because they cannot achieve the social interchanges that are needed.

My rather frank posting was because so many people on the spectrum find themselves particularly driven in certain directions, attainable or otherwise, but do not get good advice or help with it. The isolation of AS make it difficult to get sufficient grasp of the reality of such ventures, or reassurance from peers, in relation to their ideals and perceptions.

Appologies Muckworm if I offended your perspectives on these things

Hi there -

I find the whole sex thing hard. I don't think I ever fancied anyone like that and I don't feel sexual at all. I've never been aroused (that I knew of) and I don't want to be.

I'm not sure if it's right or not but it feels ok for me and my Mum says it's fine. I describe myself as 'asexual'.

I tend to avoid things I don't understand and maybe that's why because I don't get sex really except you have kids that way and I don't want to have any.

My Mum lets me talk about it if I need to and she's really helpful.

I don't know if that helps at all.

Oh, I'm high functioning autism by the way.

bye then

If I may venture into this tricky subject area there are two things at work here.

Possibly the nearest that non-autistic adults get to AS type focus and obsession is with fetish - associations with sex, often objects and even people (stalking).  So a fetish for shoes and even one individual persion's shoes isn't that unusual. 

It appears that adult males in particular will develop very strange fetishes, usually association picked up during childhood and adolescence.  Unfortunately Britishness does not favour discussion of the subject, especially not males. Though obviously it goes on in a formalised sense in bravado, boasting etc.

Add AS focus and obsession to this chemistry and you are likely to get more obscure, more highly focussed, and perhaps more pointless fetishism. However the social integration issues mean less self-control or understanding of social boundaries.

So then it does get into "difficult waters" (metaphor), hence the advice you've been given.  There is a lot of public concern that people on the autistic spectrum will behave oddly in public, pester or stalk or behave obsessively towards others. It does seem to happen but not with everybody with AS.

Secondly, and I cannot fathom why parents and parent groups do not seem to address this, people with AS often develop ambiguous sexuality. This probably has something to do with lack of peer guidance, preventing them going down the majority routes.

There is for example, and I've seen statistics on this though how they get them I don't know, a higher propensity for people on the spectrum to be gay - I have heard two to three times more likely to be gay suggested.

Thirdly because of the lack of social cross-referencing, some of the difficulties people with AS encounter in terms of insecurity, need for/rejection of proximity, smells/perfumes etc., and need for compression (squeeze boxes etc.,) will get mixed up in all this.

Given the enormous impact all this must have on young people and young adults on the spectrum, the lack of discussion of the subject, and therefore availability of constructive advice is truly astonishing. Is public sensitivity more important than being honest with your AS teenagers and being prepared to discuss and help with these issues?

This is familiar territory. I had a crush on my female psychologist, who was a lot older than me, and who wore the most amazing perfume. She never knew that I fancied her, but I thought about her all the time and got aroused every time I smelt something that reminded me of her perfume. Once, after she had made a home visit, I spent ages sniffing one of the cushions she had sat down on, just in order to smell the perfume. It was an infatuation and it got in the way of my therapy, so in a way it was a good thing that she had to leave to work elsewhere and that I got a new psychologist who I am not obsessed with, because it means that I can focus on my therapy.

Is your interest harming someone or in some way illegal? Well, there's nothing wrong with having an interest in illegal stuff; but activities involving illegal stuff.

the thing is people know about mine well by people i meen my TA's at school i have to keep it private at home though it can be a pain but it makes me happy but i ahev been told that bad thing will happen i i keep on doing it

if you want you to tell you i will

The Major  

I am in a similar situation as you. Pretty much to the point where it's kept private. Yes, people do know about my interest in music and football; but not this one.

Many people with AS do have special interests.