Autism and humour

I agree that tv doesn't do justice to autistic characters. Me personally I have a unique sense of humour which my partner and my friends get. I laugh quite a bit I also cry. The latter is alien to me. But my partner says sometimes you have to let it out. The best portrayal of someone with Aspergers which I have. Is a wonderful film called Adam. All I can say we have strong emotions we just sometimes don't show them.

I think that I have a sense of humour, but unfortunately nobody seems to get it because it is warped and extreme.

But I do understand a lot of mainstream humour on TV.  Such as my DVD collections of the thin blue line, whatever happened to the likely lads, are you being served?, Frasier, even such dramas as Dexter and rookie blue.

Jananda, your sense of humour sounds very similar to mine.

I love Blackadder, Hitchhikers Guide, Monty Python, Have I Got News For You & of course Milton Jones with his brilliant use of misdirection in language.

I can't stand humour based on cruelty though, so for example I absolutely hated one of the most popular TV shows 'Only Fools & Horses', as I couldn't stand the way that the central character couldn't see that everyone was laughing at him. There was one Xmas special where he somehow acquired a rich girlfriend & went to a formal dinner with her parents. He genuinely thought he was creating a good impression & couldn't see how they were sneering at him the whole time. So many people have said that was the best episode, but I found it excruciately cruel & uncomfortable to watch.

Similarly I found several episodes of 'Fawlty Towers' uncomfortable because to me it was like being expected to laugh at someone on the verge of a mental breakdown who was also in danger of having a heart attack.

I do like some slapstick humour though, as I found 'The Young Ones' extremely funny & that was full of it. Also, for those old enough to remember it, who didn't love TISWAS?

I was bullied a lot as a child though too, so maybe the reason I don't like cruel humour really is that I was all to often on the receiving end of it.

Keep smiling!

is it just a different sense if humour?

For instance, I love word play, and the sort of content that can be described as "witty" - so big fan of Blackadder, The News Quiz.  I also enjoy abstract humour, items that are complex and intangible, yet then form a pattern or cohesive whole, e.g Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.  Then, if I'm in the right mood, I like content that plays with "literal" interpretations, though that might just be that I find Milton Jones's standup/radio is educational about what not to take literally.  He says the literal things I have to remember not to say.

But, I have never been able to stand cruel humour, the slapstick, or the manipulative prank, the lying, the ganging up on a minority.  I describe it as cruel.  Whether this is down to AS, or down to being bullied as a child (which could be related to my AS?) Or just a quirk of my personality.  I do not know.

But, I have been "the only one" to get it and laugh, and also "the only one" not to get it.

NAS9095 said:

I am in a long term relationship (16 years now). I am undiagnosed but apparently clearly ND (recent realisation - 3 years - and now seeking diagnosis) and my partner is supposedly NT - I think otherwise due to mental health issues, that he has had since childhood (but that's an entirely different issue). He is so understanding and willing to adapt to make my life easier - always has been. Problem is I get so wrapped up in my own issues I do forget about his and some of the problems I may be causing him. When I eventually realise that he has gone out of his way to sort things for me in the background I feel really bad and spiral downwards emotionally - this isn't good for either of us. I am loving in my own way but some people on the outside don't see this (I'm not very affectionate in public - learnt behaviour growing up gay in a military town and catholic family) and think that the whole relationship is very one sided.

I'm also in a long-term (27 years) gay relationship and feel - as does my partner - that the relationship is very one-sided.  Not only am I not affectionate in public, I'm not even affectionate in private!  I think this can only be attributed to my Asperger's (diagnosed last year), as even in the 1980s I was completely "out" and comfortable with myself as a gay man.  It's also related to the fact that my parents (though non-religious) were very undemonstrative with each other, especially my mother who I now believe was autistic too.

My partner was very supportive during the assessment process, but has since become somewhat resentful that he is expected to make all (or most of) the adjustments - and that there is little or no support for him, though we did attend several advice sessions together.  There is of course a lack of specific support for same-sex partners, just as there is no specific support in the UK for LGB Aspies.

HungryCaterpillar said:

Indeed, the diagnostic Psychiatrist even said to me "what you need is to settle down with a nice Asperger's girl" - as if I was now somehow barred from interbreeding with the general populace!

Or indeed barred from settling down with a nice Asperger's boy - not to mention the apparent ban on candidates too old to be boys and too outspoken to be "nice"!  I'm not even sure (after 27 years of it) "settling down" with anyone is a good idea...

I would say my sense of humour is dry and dark too, but certainly not non-existent.  I am often told I'm quite serious but I think I just have a different sense of humour.  I struggle with some things that have predictable punchlines or that have exactly the same punchline every week.  Although I do like the League of Gentlemen humour.  Someone just introduced me to 'Inside no 9' which can be funny, sad, scary but always dark.

Hi Evan, glad someone gets what I'm on about. I liked Tubs and Edward too - very dark humour, but somehow endearing. If I fancy a can of coke, me and my partner tend to bring up the 'I can I can't?' joke. 

One of my favourite films is Ghostbusters - I love the humour in it. (I heard Dan Ackroyd is on the spectrum?) I've always enjoyed both humour and science fiction & fantasy, so films like Men in Black and Independence Day that have both are hugely entertaining to me. I also like films that some people might think are a bit immature or in bad taste, such as Team America and Step Brothers.

I rarely discuss with colleagues my interest in these films. I also like the original Star Wars movies, plus Doctor Who, Being Human, and Misfits (TV series) which many people might find strange for a 56 year old woman. At work I stick mainly to discussing food and clothes with the other women, as nutrition and design are two of my other interests.

Yes, I'm in a long term relationship with another ND. We met when we were very young so I haven't had a serious long term relationship with an NT, therefore I cannot give a comparison. But I can tell you that we 'read' each other with ease and often find we're thinking the same thing or have the same ideas. Finding out we're both ND has enabled us to understand each other even better,: for instance, when we had arguments and I got upset I used to go mute, which made him cross as he wanted to talk things out. Now I tell him if I'm getting overloaded by emotions and he understands I need a quiet space to recover. I'm more aware of his environmental sensory problems and help him to reduce them as much as possible.

I'm sure you know that we NDs are all different, so a relationship between two NDs obviously still requires commitment and compromise. It's not all romantic trips to the library and nights in watching box sets of Red Dwarf (ha, ha!)

Hope my ramblings are helpful in some way, or at least interesting.

Pixie