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Blending in (mimicking)

ToeJam

I received my diagnosis late in life (last year, 40 now) and I guess one of the 'skills' I developed prior to knowing I had ASD was to blend through trial and error/past experience. Before I say anything, I filter thoughts very quickly to determine appropriateness/potential to insult/contentiousness.

When it works I don't think anyone would know I have any social difficulties... but when it doesn't, I berate myself to the point of self hate... not particularly because I upset someone as such... but because I got it wrong and concern over any (self percieved) long term consequences it might have with that particular person/group.

My support worker (Autism trained) has been telling me that I worry too much and try to hard... that I should stop blending and just be me... but that's essentially telling me to disregard 39 years of behaviour (that for the most part works) and potentially go full Aspie (I hope me saying that doesn't offend anyone). 

I can still remember what social situations were like (in my teens and early 20's) when I hadn't gotten good at mimicking... and it wasn't pleasant (sometimes resulted in physical/verbal abuse).

So, I'm curious if anyone can relate to this or has any tips with respect to accepting their Aspergers and being content with who they are. Still coming to terms with the diagnosis (was a surprise when I first was informed of the pyschiatrists suspicions that it was).

Thanks for your time.

Parents

  • Good opinions about blending in by mimicking.

    I developed coping strategies by mimicking by accident and help from other people, well before I even heard of the word autism.

    Some good recent ideas/ facts /opinions that I have come across are.

    That the NTs navigate the social world mostly by instinct.  There are unwritten rules and laws that people follow without even being aware of them.

    We, on the other hand have to learn these rules explicitly, either work them out for ourselves or be taught by someone else.

    We blend in by mimicking other people's behaviour through conscious effort.  While the NTs do it easily and instinctively.

    For me the effort to blend in becomes exhausting after a time.  And one coping strategy is to withdraw.

    By mimicking and blending in, I am referring to such behaviour as:

    Eye contact when speaking.  Or at least looking in the direction of the person I'm speaking with. The face, possibly the eyes.  And determining how much eye contact is appropriate, avoid starring.  Be aware of appropriate personal space.

    Conversation one to one.  Listen for clues in other person's speech to determine whose turn it is to speak, what about, again respect personal space, try to read facial expressions, etc,etc. It becomes very tiring and hard.

    With groups it is even worse.

    Personal space, always being careful not to be too close or too far and how it is dynamic and depends on circumstances.

    And the main reason for all this mimicking.  The NTs outnumber us a hundred to one, so to live in their society we need to blend in with them.

Reply

  • Good opinions about blending in by mimicking.

    I developed coping strategies by mimicking by accident and help from other people, well before I even heard of the word autism.

    Some good recent ideas/ facts /opinions that I have come across are.

    That the NTs navigate the social world mostly by instinct.  There are unwritten rules and laws that people follow without even being aware of them.

    We, on the other hand have to learn these rules explicitly, either work them out for ourselves or be taught by someone else.

    We blend in by mimicking other people's behaviour through conscious effort.  While the NTs do it easily and instinctively.

    For me the effort to blend in becomes exhausting after a time.  And one coping strategy is to withdraw.

    By mimicking and blending in, I am referring to such behaviour as:

    Eye contact when speaking.  Or at least looking in the direction of the person I'm speaking with. The face, possibly the eyes.  And determining how much eye contact is appropriate, avoid starring.  Be aware of appropriate personal space.

    Conversation one to one.  Listen for clues in other person's speech to determine whose turn it is to speak, what about, again respect personal space, try to read facial expressions, etc,etc. It becomes very tiring and hard.

    With groups it is even worse.

    Personal space, always being careful not to be too close or too far and how it is dynamic and depends on circumstances.

    And the main reason for all this mimicking.  The NTs outnumber us a hundred to one, so to live in their society we need to blend in with them.

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