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Blending in (mimicking)

ToeJam

I received my diagnosis late in life (last year, 40 now) and I guess one of the 'skills' I developed prior to knowing I had ASD was to blend through trial and error/past experience. Before I say anything, I filter thoughts very quickly to determine appropriateness/potential to insult/contentiousness.

When it works I don't think anyone would know I have any social difficulties... but when it doesn't, I berate myself to the point of self hate... not particularly because I upset someone as such... but because I got it wrong and concern over any (self percieved) long term consequences it might have with that particular person/group.

My support worker (Autism trained) has been telling me that I worry too much and try to hard... that I should stop blending and just be me... but that's essentially telling me to disregard 39 years of behaviour (that for the most part works) and potentially go full Aspie (I hope me saying that doesn't offend anyone). 

I can still remember what social situations were like (in my teens and early 20's) when I hadn't gotten good at mimicking... and it wasn't pleasant (sometimes resulted in physical/verbal abuse).

So, I'm curious if anyone can relate to this or has any tips with respect to accepting their Aspergers and being content with who they are. Still coming to terms with the diagnosis (was a surprise when I first was informed of the pyschiatrists suspicions that it was).

Thanks for your time.

Parents

  • ToeJam, the only bit of advice I can offer (and it's a lot harder to do than you think) is try to forgive yourself and also other people in situations where you feel an outsider.

    Forgive yourself because it's not really your fault you have these problems and forgive others because they are not perfect and probably have no idea how you feel during such social situations. It takes time to get to know people and, generally, others will make allowances once they get to know you better. The ones that don't aren't worth knowing anyway.  

    So all I am saying is have faith in people and you will be rewarded ten fold because people need people in the end.

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  • ToeJam, the only bit of advice I can offer (and it's a lot harder to do than you think) is try to forgive yourself and also other people in situations where you feel an outsider.

    Forgive yourself because it's not really your fault you have these problems and forgive others because they are not perfect and probably have no idea how you feel during such social situations. It takes time to get to know people and, generally, others will make allowances once they get to know you better. The ones that don't aren't worth knowing anyway.  

    So all I am saying is have faith in people and you will be rewarded ten fold because people need people in the end.

Children
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