Blending in (mimicking)

I think I first became aware that I could fit in with people by consciously changing myself in my late teens. As I have mentioned previously, before that my existence outside home was very lonely, due to the endless bullying I was forced to endure at school. It wasn't possible to use the blending tactic against the bullies, since my role in that context was already too established & more importantly, in order to fit in with them, I would have had to become as thuggish & ignorant as they were.

In my experience, 'blending in' is more akin to establishing your identity within a given group based on your initial impression of what they are like. Humour helps a lot & I can remember as a teenager consciously trying to create a part of my brain that was constantly scanning for things to say that would make people laugh (especially terrible puns). Once you are accepted by the group, it's possible over a period of time to gradually relax the mask to something that requires less effort to maintain, but to be honest I don't really think of it as a mask, its more like the person I become when I am in that context. Its hard to describe exactly, because it isn't just external & I often feel like a different person on the inside as well.

When I was at university (many years ago), I used to play the old pen & paper Dungeons & Dragons with my flatmates (there were no fancy video games when, Space Invaders was the height of Tech), where you adopted a character in a world purely defined by imagination. It was great fun & people used to get very strongly attached to their characters. I still play Role Playing Games now, but only on game consoles. I preferred the pen & paper groups, but they are quite rare now. On the other hand though, the game consoles let you customise your characters & if for example you are playing a humanoid Tiger, you can even choose the exact fur markings, which is great fun!

I suppose what I am trying to say is that why should you always have to be the same person anyway. I haven't ever felt the 'double bind' you described as I honestly don't see 'blending in' with people as a form of deception. I wouldn't ever behave in a manner which was contrary to my moral code, so what does it matter if for example, some people think I am an extrovert, whilst others think the exact opposite. For me it is just creating a new persona based on which aspects of my personality I display or suppress in that context. Meeting new groups of people can even encourage you to expand your interests (and repertoire), but there are limits & I don't think I will ever understand the tribal obsession with football.

Hope some of this helps.

I think I first became aware that I could fit in with people by consciously changing myself in my late teens. As I have mentioned previously, before that my existence outside home was very lonely, due to the endless bullying I was forced to endure at school. It wasn't possible to use the blending tactic against the bullies, since my role in that context was already too established & more importantly, in order to fit in with them, I would have had to become as thuggish & ignorant as they were.

In my experience, 'blending in' is more akin to establishing your identity within a given group based on your initial impression of what they are like. Humour helps a lot & I can remember as a teenager consciously trying to create a part of my brain that was constantly scanning for things to say that would make people laugh (especially terrible puns). Once you are accepted by the group, it's possible over a period of time to gradually relax the mask to something that requires less effort to maintain, but to be honest I don't really think of it as a mask, its more like the person I become when I am in that context. Its hard to describe exactly, because it isn't just external & I often feel like a different person on the inside as well.

When I was at university (many years ago), I used to play the old pen & paper Dungeons & Dragons with my flatmates (there were no fancy video games when, Space Invaders was the height of Tech), where you adopted a character in a world purely defined by imagination. It was great fun & people used to get very strongly attached to their characters. I still play Role Playing Games now, but only on game consoles. I preferred the pen & paper groups, but they are quite rare now. On the other hand though, the game consoles let you customise your characters & if for example you are playing a humanoid Tiger, you can even choose the exact fur markings, which is great fun!

I suppose what I am trying to say is that why should you always have to be the same person anyway. I haven't ever felt the 'double bind' you described as I honestly don't see 'blending in' with people as a form of deception. I wouldn't ever behave in a manner which was contrary to my moral code, so what does it matter if for example, some people think I am an extrovert, whilst others think the exact opposite. For me it is just creating a new persona based on which aspects of my personality I display or suppress in that context. Meeting new groups of people can even encourage you to expand your interests (and repertoire), but there are limits & I don't think I will ever understand the tribal obsession with football.

Hope some of this helps.