Blending in (mimicking)

I find this very interesting to read as I can relate to a lot of this although I have no had a formal diagnosis. I am still in the "research" phase of collecting together information to decide if I should go forth with a diagnosis. I feel I am on the boundary between NT and ASD.

One thing which chimes with me is the concept of "blending in". I can guarantee that most people I know would not notice this in me. I do. I have probably been subconciously aware of it since I was about 16 and it is only now I am reading up about it that I have realised it's what I do quite a lot of the time.

I would like to ask how people feel in the following situation... You attend a social event with people who you know fairly well but are not best friends (ie good work colleagues). The idea of a social situation fills you with anxiety and it's still a big deal but you still go as you feel quite comfortable around these people (a small group of say 4 or 5 of you and all the others are very chatty but not loud and take time to listen when it's your turn. You feel that you have built up their trust and they are genuine lovely people and you all have things in common). You come home buzzing because a) you "passed" by being yourself as much as possible...b) you feel like a fraud because the conversation didn't dry up, or stop with you, or you didn't say the wrong thing/crack a joke no-one found funny / there were no awkward silences. Has anybody else experienced this "double bind" situation?

Also on another note of socialising with work colleagues. I have got more comfortable with this as I have been working at my place quite a few years now. I was kind of "eased in" and worked up the hours from one day to full time.  There is no pressure on having to attend social gatherings due to the nature of my job, so it is entirely my choice if I want to go (this also reduces anxiety as there is no expectation that you have to attend). Having attended a handful of these, I have found on occasions though that people will say to me the day after "oh you were quiet last night".  I feel that this is when the "blending in" becomes difficult as I am used to speaking to these people at work (mainly with a purpose or as part of the banter) but then at social events this is different and more so because everyone is together in one room. (And also you don't want to be talking about work all night..... And there is the whole "going up talking to people" even ones you work with every day). The only way I can describe it is as though you don't want the mask to slip and that you are anxious you will be "found out" as someone who isn't actually very good in social situations when you come across as quite adept each day at work.

Also does anyone experience the "double bind" of a)being nervous in a 1:1 situation as the onus is entirely on you to keep the conversation going with the other person but at the same time b) more comfortable with only 1 or 2 others as its easier to focus.

a)in larger groups happy to be on the outskirts as it's easier to manage (you don't have to commit as much to conversations) but at the same time b) want to get in there, get on with people and take part in the conversations like everyone else.

Like I said I think I am on the border although there are other aspects of ASD which I can identify with (not just social). I think I am really fortunate to have good friends, partner and relationships with others (although I do feel that a lot of it has been "learned" and from a woman's point of view, smiling, nodding, laughing and agreeing and generally being likeable can get you quite far).

Thanks for your time everyone.

I find this very interesting to read as I can relate to a lot of this although I have no had a formal diagnosis. I am still in the "research" phase of collecting together information to decide if I should go forth with a diagnosis. I feel I am on the boundary between NT and ASD.

One thing which chimes with me is the concept of "blending in". I can guarantee that most people I know would not notice this in me. I do. I have probably been subconciously aware of it since I was about 16 and it is only now I am reading up about it that I have realised it's what I do quite a lot of the time.

I would like to ask how people feel in the following situation... You attend a social event with people who you know fairly well but are not best friends (ie good work colleagues). The idea of a social situation fills you with anxiety and it's still a big deal but you still go as you feel quite comfortable around these people (a small group of say 4 or 5 of you and all the others are very chatty but not loud and take time to listen when it's your turn. You feel that you have built up their trust and they are genuine lovely people and you all have things in common). You come home buzzing because a) you "passed" by being yourself as much as possible...b) you feel like a fraud because the conversation didn't dry up, or stop with you, or you didn't say the wrong thing/crack a joke no-one found funny / there were no awkward silences. Has anybody else experienced this "double bind" situation?

Also on another note of socialising with work colleagues. I have got more comfortable with this as I have been working at my place quite a few years now. I was kind of "eased in" and worked up the hours from one day to full time.  There is no pressure on having to attend social gatherings due to the nature of my job, so it is entirely my choice if I want to go (this also reduces anxiety as there is no expectation that you have to attend). Having attended a handful of these, I have found on occasions though that people will say to me the day after "oh you were quiet last night".  I feel that this is when the "blending in" becomes difficult as I am used to speaking to these people at work (mainly with a purpose or as part of the banter) but then at social events this is different and more so because everyone is together in one room. (And also you don't want to be talking about work all night..... And there is the whole "going up talking to people" even ones you work with every day). The only way I can describe it is as though you don't want the mask to slip and that you are anxious you will be "found out" as someone who isn't actually very good in social situations when you come across as quite adept each day at work.

Also does anyone experience the "double bind" of a)being nervous in a 1:1 situation as the onus is entirely on you to keep the conversation going with the other person but at the same time b) more comfortable with only 1 or 2 others as its easier to focus.

a)in larger groups happy to be on the outskirts as it's easier to manage (you don't have to commit as much to conversations) but at the same time b) want to get in there, get on with people and take part in the conversations like everyone else.

Like I said I think I am on the border although there are other aspects of ASD which I can identify with (not just social). I think I am really fortunate to have good friends, partner and relationships with others (although I do feel that a lot of it has been "learned" and from a woman's point of view, smiling, nodding, laughing and agreeing and generally being likeable can get you quite far).

Thanks for your time everyone.