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Blending in (mimicking)

ToeJam

I received my diagnosis late in life (last year, 40 now) and I guess one of the 'skills' I developed prior to knowing I had ASD was to blend through trial and error/past experience. Before I say anything, I filter thoughts very quickly to determine appropriateness/potential to insult/contentiousness.

When it works I don't think anyone would know I have any social difficulties... but when it doesn't, I berate myself to the point of self hate... not particularly because I upset someone as such... but because I got it wrong and concern over any (self percieved) long term consequences it might have with that particular person/group.

My support worker (Autism trained) has been telling me that I worry too much and try to hard... that I should stop blending and just be me... but that's essentially telling me to disregard 39 years of behaviour (that for the most part works) and potentially go full Aspie (I hope me saying that doesn't offend anyone). 

I can still remember what social situations were like (in my teens and early 20's) when I hadn't gotten good at mimicking... and it wasn't pleasant (sometimes resulted in physical/verbal abuse).

So, I'm curious if anyone can relate to this or has any tips with respect to accepting their Aspergers and being content with who they are. Still coming to terms with the diagnosis (was a surprise when I first was informed of the pyschiatrists suspicions that it was).

Thanks for your time.

Parents

  • Pirate Santa said:

    -snip-

    That is a brilliant analysis of what I was trying to express (I guess mine was less eloquent heh).

    Re the following:

    if 'blending in' works for you & makes you happy, why try to change it?

    Therein lies the problem for me, when 'it works', yes, I'm happy... yet, however few and far between the 'disasters' may be, they pay a heavy toll on my self-esteem and notion of social competency and it's that part that I want to try to address so as to reduce stress.

    Having observed how (some) other aspies (I've been attending several social groups specifically for those on the spectrum) seem to deal with blunders, I'm unsure as to whether they are oblivious or just take it on the chin, but it seems to have little impact... for this I am a little envious in truth and have been wondering how easy it would be to shut down the care factor. With that said, my wife would no doubt be less inclined to accept such behaviour when it involves her lol.

    As to the parallels between homosexuality and aspergers, I'm unable to relate (no offence intended) and can only imagine the impact of both issues being at hand to deal with.

    I definitely enjoyed the following though:

    Indeed, even counselling techniques rely on teaching us behaviours to better fit in with the world of the Muggles!

Reply

  • Pirate Santa said:

    -snip-

    That is a brilliant analysis of what I was trying to express (I guess mine was less eloquent heh).

    Re the following:

    if 'blending in' works for you & makes you happy, why try to change it?

    Therein lies the problem for me, when 'it works', yes, I'm happy... yet, however few and far between the 'disasters' may be, they pay a heavy toll on my self-esteem and notion of social competency and it's that part that I want to try to address so as to reduce stress.

    Having observed how (some) other aspies (I've been attending several social groups specifically for those on the spectrum) seem to deal with blunders, I'm unsure as to whether they are oblivious or just take it on the chin, but it seems to have little impact... for this I am a little envious in truth and have been wondering how easy it would be to shut down the care factor. With that said, my wife would no doubt be less inclined to accept such behaviour when it involves her lol.

    As to the parallels between homosexuality and aspergers, I'm unable to relate (no offence intended) and can only imagine the impact of both issues being at hand to deal with.

    I definitely enjoyed the following though:

    Indeed, even counselling techniques rely on teaching us behaviours to better fit in with the world of the Muggles!

Children
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