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Autism and difficulties with emotions & social interactions

KateO

I have wondered for a long time now whether I might be autistic. I meet many of the "criteria" to be diagnosed with autism. However, the thing that always leads me to conclude that I cannot be autistic is the emphasis everything I read about autism places on autistic people's struggles with understanding facial expressions, social interactions and in expressing and understanding emotions.

I have always found it extremely easy to read people's emotions and the subtext of social situations. I will immediately pick up on the atmosphere between people or in a conversation and have no trouble in empathising with people. I have also always been able to portray subtle shifts in emotion in my own facial expressions to express exactly the emotion I wish other people to believe I am feeling (whether or not I actually am), or conversely to hide how I'm really feeling. Of course the latter is "mimicking" and I have wondered recently whether in fact this is evidence that I am autistic; I have presumably learnt appropriate facial expressions by observing others and employ them to convey a suitable emotion at a particular time.

Despite this, I often find social situations tiring. I will fake having a good time or make small talk and it can be boring putting on this "show". That isn't to say I do this in all social situations, but I often do it when I'm meeting new people or am with people I don't particularly like. I'm a lawyer and my job is very social; I can sometimes meet many new clients a day and almost always be able to chat to them easily, but I feel as if I am "on" when I do it and am performing. However, I always figured this is how everyone feels? I can find social situations awkward. In conversations I can sometimes struggle to know what to say in response to keep a conversation going and my replies can sound awkward and forced. I guess making small talk always seems like an act.

The best way I can describe it is like acting in a play and giving a word perfect performance until suddenly somebody says a line and you know it's your cue but you've suddenly developed stage fright and no matter how hard you try you can't remember your next line.

Are there any autistic people out there who don't struggle with reading emotions etc.?

Kate

  • Hi Kate,

    As maia says, feeling drained in social situations is a characteristic of being an introvert.

    Taking the Myers Briggs Personality test might help you. I'm an INTJ (if you google for "INTJ aspergers", it looks like they have many things in common). You sound a lot more "feeling" than me, so you might be an INFJ. Or not, I'm not a psychologist (smiley)

    Whether or not you have autism, I'm certain taking the test will help you understand more about yourself.

    "I have also always been able to portray subtle shifts in emotion in my own facial expressions to express exactly the emotion I wish other people to believe I am feeling". Is this what neurotypical people do? I would argue they don't need to do this because facial expressions and the underlying emotions are self-evident to anyone in the conversation - noone thinks "oh I want to show them I'm sad so I'll put on a sad face"; the person would already know you are sad from picking up on your ever-changing micro-expressions. But, this is only a logical guess because I don't know myself.

    "The best way I can describe it is like acting in a play and giving a word perfect performance until suddenly somebody says a line and you know it's your cue but you've suddenly developed stage fright and no matter how hard you try you can't remember your next line." <-- Welcome to my life! Seriously though, this is what autism is for me. Everyone else has the invisible script and I was never given one. I'll listen to a conversation on the bus and think "How did they know to reply with that line?", if it doesn't logically follow from the question. How do they navigate around to the next topic, back to the previous topic, how do they know what questions to ask, and when? And the big question, how does doing all this small talk help us bond? What's the mechanism there? I have no idea of the answer.

  • What I struggle with is that I just started noticing that social interactions ARE  stressful and tiring for me. That they drain me out. I so wanted to be normal ( and was actually seeking to attend social events) and I think I learned to numb what I felt so I didn't know what I needed. 

    Was it easy for you to notice how hard was for you to be in a 2-3 hour social event.

    which were the symptoms? Tiredness ?

    How long do you know that you are autictic?

    I am just asking cos I am quite stressed by the realisation of me having an ASD and wondering how long it will take to accept it and learn to take care of myself.

  • Hi Kate,

    Your post caught my attention. I am 39 years old woman and I am now in the process of getting a formal diagnosis for ASD . What I recognize in your post  is my capacity and ease to have small talk but not really interested in listening to what people say. I think my ease has mostly to do with copying my mother's capacity  for chit and chat (she is from a small village and has all these behaviours/habits of people growing up in a small places.) So when I was reading about ASD I was thinking that I can't have an autistic disorder. I am so "social". I also think that starting a chat (any) was also a copying mechanism for the anxiety I was feeling when there was silence.(I was grew up in a n environment where there was no silence. Everyone was loud in my family, nobody owned what he/she was feeling, talking all the time and not listening).

    I also think that I never had concerns about me being autistic cos like you Kate I though that everybody feels like I do (" However, I always figured this is how everyone feels?").

    In my case there is another aspect as well. Since autism runs in families I have great suspicions that my father and my sister are also aspies but have more difficulties with social interactions. So in my family I was the "social" one following my mother ...

    Villy