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fairly new relationship

F22

hi 

im in a fairly new and loving relationship with a long term friend who has recently been diagnosed with AS. the problem is that i have a daughter (19 months) to my last partner  and this adds a lot of stress to the relationship we get very little time together (alone) and he refers to her as my 'kid' and rairly uses her name, he has no understanding of why this hurts me. he will also prefer to stay at his house when i have my daughter and not see me at all as he feels i spend to much time with her. i just dont know how to put all this to him without him getting agitated he feels i just dont understand where he is coming from. please help

Parents

  • Hi,

    Emotions can be difficult.. and so is knowing who he is for you..In his eyes, you are his girlfriend. At home you are a mom.. He nééds to learn that you are both.. you're still a mom, even if your daughter is not there!

    Try refersing the words.. Would he like it, if you'd call him 'friend'.. He is a person also, with a name. A title.. distanciates.. You can even draw it if you like!

    Back at emotions.. He might really not get it.. for he is too sensitive.

    The difficulty might also be.. Who is he to your daughter.. for him.. she is just..'your kid'.. Knowing which part he 'plays' is very necessary for him to understand ..otherwise there is no context!!

    (ie: In my work: I know who I am.. and all goes smooth! Put me at a party.. and I get lost!!)

    I hope this makes sense to you..

    love, B'fly

Reply

  • Hi,

    Emotions can be difficult.. and so is knowing who he is for you..In his eyes, you are his girlfriend. At home you are a mom.. He nééds to learn that you are both.. you're still a mom, even if your daughter is not there!

    Try refersing the words.. Would he like it, if you'd call him 'friend'.. He is a person also, with a name. A title.. distanciates.. You can even draw it if you like!

    Back at emotions.. He might really not get it.. for he is too sensitive.

    The difficulty might also be.. Who is he to your daughter.. for him.. she is just..'your kid'.. Knowing which part he 'plays' is very necessary for him to understand ..otherwise there is no context!!

    (ie: In my work: I know who I am.. and all goes smooth! Put me at a party.. and I get lost!!)

    I hope this makes sense to you..

    love, B'fly

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