Bullying at work

I thought to add some notes on personal experience (conscious that to some correspondents I'm borderline because I did hold down a career!).

I was vulnerable because I can't deputise well and don't gauge people well. I tend to tune out too much, and miss some key element of a task, quite inexplicably, or there are aspects of a task I'm not at all good at that I ought to be "normally". Also while I can hold my own for a while, in noisy situations or where I get tired, my coherence goes and I become socially clumsy, and perceived as drunk or on something.

Having said that most of what was picked up in my experiences of workplace bullying by line managers was incredibly trivial. I don't talk like a person with my background - I manage one dialogue mode, and that means in some contexts I sound "thick" or not acting up to the level of the people I'm with. I'm too loud sometimes and pitch changes suddenly, also I'm too proximal - in people's faces - when I shouldn't.

The need to keep a record is that the objections of bully type bosses is often so incredibly trivial, even if hurtful, that to use a phrase "it couldn't stand up in court".

But what you have to remember is that if they sense this trivia hurts you, and if they sense you have something to hide, like anxiety about whether you have AS, and how people will view it, that they play on it. You've got to remind yourself that everything they go on about is petty.

Also office bullies are often vulnerable themselves - this might sound unreal or twee....but really, they are often more vulnerable than you are. They may perceive you abilities as a threat - that you might eventually get their job. A lot of workplace management bullies have reached their promotion limit. Their bosses don't see them going any higher. They may have reached a grade they are less likely to be sacked from, but all senior management do is move them round, often unaware of how many workdays are lost owing to letting idiots loose on the workforce. Some of them are quite crooked and maybe fleecing your employer and use bullying to smokescreen any underlings spotting about what's going on. Don't gossip about this though, these sorts last forever because higher management may be very bad at spotting what they are really up to.

And remind yourself what you are good at, and what strengths you have to offset any niggles.

I thought to add some notes on personal experience (conscious that to some correspondents I'm borderline because I did hold down a career!).

I was vulnerable because I can't deputise well and don't gauge people well. I tend to tune out too much, and miss some key element of a task, quite inexplicably, or there are aspects of a task I'm not at all good at that I ought to be "normally". Also while I can hold my own for a while, in noisy situations or where I get tired, my coherence goes and I become socially clumsy, and perceived as drunk or on something.

Having said that most of what was picked up in my experiences of workplace bullying by line managers was incredibly trivial. I don't talk like a person with my background - I manage one dialogue mode, and that means in some contexts I sound "thick" or not acting up to the level of the people I'm with. I'm too loud sometimes and pitch changes suddenly, also I'm too proximal - in people's faces - when I shouldn't.

The need to keep a record is that the objections of bully type bosses is often so incredibly trivial, even if hurtful, that to use a phrase "it couldn't stand up in court".

But what you have to remember is that if they sense this trivia hurts you, and if they sense you have something to hide, like anxiety about whether you have AS, and how people will view it, that they play on it. You've got to remind yourself that everything they go on about is petty.

Also office bullies are often vulnerable themselves - this might sound unreal or twee....but really, they are often more vulnerable than you are. They may perceive you abilities as a threat - that you might eventually get their job. A lot of workplace management bullies have reached their promotion limit. Their bosses don't see them going any higher. They may have reached a grade they are less likely to be sacked from, but all senior management do is move them round, often unaware of how many workdays are lost owing to letting idiots loose on the workforce. Some of them are quite crooked and maybe fleecing your employer and use bullying to smokescreen any underlings spotting about what's going on. Don't gossip about this though, these sorts last forever because higher management may be very bad at spotting what they are really up to.

And remind yourself what you are good at, and what strengths you have to offset any niggles.