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Advice for Long Distance Relationship NT-ASD

ckillean

Hi everyone. I am an NT partner who has just moved about 20 hours away from my two-year ASD (suspected) boyfriend. He seems to be doing fine with the separation, but I miss him all the time. It's a temporary move; I am doing a two-year masters program, and he's still finishing up school at home. I am just a very enthusiastic person about a lot of things, so I love to write him, call occasionally, and look forward to seeing him. I always put a lot of effort into gifts and surprises. I know that he is not like me. He has never thought to call or write, and he forgot my birthday this week, and I know he will forget our anniversary next week. It makes sense; he forgets his own birthday if no one reminds him. Usually I text him when his friends have special occasions so he will text them to be supportive. I know that it's unreasonable to wish he would put in similar efforts to mine, but it still really hurts to feel like he does not care because of traits that I know aren't his fault. Does anyone have any insights or stories about situations like these? I am just feeling like he does not miss me because of our different ways of caring, which is really hard. 

Parents

  • Thank you! I've been trying to find good support communities but was struggling to find anything really specific like this! And thanks for sharing about your own boyfriend. I felt a lot of similarities reading your story. I think the thing I struggle with a lot is that my boyfriend (I'll call him R) really hates any sort of phone or text communication. He texts me because I've explained that it's important to me, but he will only talk on the phone once every few weeks, and we never facetime or skype. Being far away, it is hard not to see the lack of direct communication as a lack of interest. I was getting so upset about it, and was sure he was going to break up with me when I went home to visit, but our visit was actually wonderful, and we were both just really happy to see each other again. Got to remember that communication just isn't what he does best. 

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  • Thank you! I've been trying to find good support communities but was struggling to find anything really specific like this! And thanks for sharing about your own boyfriend. I felt a lot of similarities reading your story. I think the thing I struggle with a lot is that my boyfriend (I'll call him R) really hates any sort of phone or text communication. He texts me because I've explained that it's important to me, but he will only talk on the phone once every few weeks, and we never facetime or skype. Being far away, it is hard not to see the lack of direct communication as a lack of interest. I was getting so upset about it, and was sure he was going to break up with me when I went home to visit, but our visit was actually wonderful, and we were both just really happy to see each other again. Got to remember that communication just isn't what he does best. 

Children
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