Published on 12, July, 2020
So since I was young I always knew I was different. I didn't start talking until a lot later than other kids, I always struggled with social interactions, and there are a great many reasons why I recently have come to the belief that I have always had aspergers (I'm a 27 year old man to provide context). As I have got older I have learned many of societies rules, and I think I actually function pretty well now, at least on the outside, on the inside I feel like I am constantly managing an array of filters, filtering what goes in (at least trying to) and filtering what goes out so I don't inadvertently offend or upset someone. It's tiring...
Anyway, I realise that what I am doing most likely isn't helpful, but I feel I have to do something. I think I've become a bit obsessed with Aspergers, I've read a load about it and watched hours of videos, I always do this, when something interests me I spend hours studying it, I can't break out of it, it's like I'm drawn to it. It's one of the many things that makes me think I have Aspergers, but now it appears that Aspergers is the focus of my current obsession.
The issue is that now I have studied things I have reached the point that I am almost totally convinced I fit the bill, so much so that I now make most things fit, I can't be sure that this is what I am doing, or if things actually do fit and I'm just recognising it, I also have a problem where when I believe something I can find a tremendous amount of supporting evidence, I have done this before and later been proved to be wrong, so I accept that is a possibility in this instance.
Does anyone have any advice for me?
Thanks for the information Claire. I need to work out whether I want this first, I don’t really know at the moment, it seems like a lot of trouble, and at the end, it feels that although it may feel like it changes everything, in fact, nothing does change.
Alexander, thank you again for your well thought out response.
I struggle with friends, always have, I only seem to be become friends with people who have problems. I think this is because I feel by solving their problems they will like me, it’s also the only kind of interaction I am actually comfortable with. It’s the one that I grew up with, my immediate relatives still only show me affection by rewarding me when I do things for them. I have got used to this and understand what is expected of me.
Your description of a friend is a nice one, there are very few people like that in the world.
Thank you for sharing your experience, it makes sense. You are right, most people just behave on the surface. I do have someone to talk to, I can talk to my wife, it’s just hard sometimes as I do not wish to burden others with my issues and I struggle to express what I am thinking and feeling. That’s why I hired a therapist which has helped quite a lot, although I always get to the stage where I feel I am going around in circles.
Regards,
Forest