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Prisoner of oneself.

Sir_Dood

I don't know if this is the correct place to post this, just seemed appropriate as im in my late 20's (not entirely sure of my age to be fair, stopped counting quite some time ago). To the point however, I am not going to ask the stupid question of "Am I alone when I say/feel this" because I know that is not the case; But, perhaps others who have been through what I am going through could give advice, or simply share their experience.

  I have learned that having Aspergers Syndrome (at least for me) comes hand in hand with crippling depression, self-doubt/loathing and a powerful need to detach oneself from everyone, be it family, friends, whatever. I've no shame in admitting I've pondered the idea of just killing myself and getting it over with on several occasions, but still I'm dodging the point.

  I am in a long distance relationship, and have been for about a year, and I feel like it's about to come to an end. My world is crumbling to dust around me and I feel like it's all my fault, yet at the same time, I know it isn't - the relationship has not ended, and the girl in question keeps re-assuring me that it isn't - but I can't shake this feeling, it's like a low-day of depression, but amplified tenfold.
 She complained I was too enclosed, I wouldn;t express myself to her enough - so i put a great deal of effort into doing that, and was being more open, and now she complains that she feels like im being obsessed with her, when I'm not, and I've tried to explain this to her several times before, that I am way out of my comfort zone. We plan on meeting in person in the next few months, but since this happened (among other things that I'm not going to discuss) I feel nothing but this soul crushing sadness and anger. My brain is constantly switched on, replaying horrible things in my head, and horrible past experiences. I've never asked for help before until recently - I asked her for help and she didn't seem to care. So here I am, is there anything I can do to deal with this? I'm at the end of my rope, and I can't endure this much longer, i constantly feel alone, even when people are around me.

Parents

  • I can tell you that in my younger years, the depression was rampant. Sometimes writing everything down and then burning it helped. There were a few times were so bad that little voice you speak of, sounded so right at the time. I call it the dark place. I was so sure that voice in my head was telling me the truth. I know, it sounds insane, but I'm just trying to give you how I went through it. It didn't feel insane at the time. Anyhow, I reached a darkness so bad I literally almost didn't come back. When I got back home from the hospital a week and a half later I promised myself I'd never, ever go back to that dark place. When I feel the blues starting to set in, I go into work mode. I'll force myself to get up and keep going, eventually I shake it, but it took a long time to get my system.

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  • I can tell you that in my younger years, the depression was rampant. Sometimes writing everything down and then burning it helped. There were a few times were so bad that little voice you speak of, sounded so right at the time. I call it the dark place. I was so sure that voice in my head was telling me the truth. I know, it sounds insane, but I'm just trying to give you how I went through it. It didn't feel insane at the time. Anyhow, I reached a darkness so bad I literally almost didn't come back. When I got back home from the hospital a week and a half later I promised myself I'd never, ever go back to that dark place. When I feel the blues starting to set in, I go into work mode. I'll force myself to get up and keep going, eventually I shake it, but it took a long time to get my system.

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