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AS and birthdays

AndyC

As my birthday is coming up soon again I was just wondering if anybody else has difficulties with their birthdays. With each passing year I find my birthday more of a struggle. 

It’s not the day per se or the fact that I’m getting older, but I find all the attention I get on my birthday rather overwhelming and sooner or later I wish that everybody just leaves me alone. I also don’t like getting presents and surprises in general. I hate having phone calls and usually everybody phones on that day and that just stresses me out a lot. It makes me feel uncomfortable and anxious and I generally just feel very, very exhausted in the end. 

However, people just don’t seem to understand why I’d rather be on my own on that day and they think I’m just being a diva when I tell them not to come round or not to phone. I don’t mean to hurt or reject anyone by doing this, but I just cannot handle this situation very well. 

Does anybody else feel like this?

Parents

  • I also find birthday's really awkward and I'd rather be alone. I just have a few close family in my life but even at that, I'd rather be alone and have a quiet day. I just don't understand the idea of celebrating my date of birth. Gifts or cake don't somehow make me feel more valued. I think I almost feel embarrassed by any birthday attention (not sure - it is hard to describe the feeling).

    I have more recently decided to be honest about what I want and why. The honesty helps a lot and I now find birthday's less upsetting.

  • in reply to sn

    You are written something very helpful to me here - thank you.  By means of explanation;

    I have always been very honest about what I want...birthday treatment included....but never WHY !!

    My efforts to explain why, in the past, have always been dressed up in a whole wardrobe full of very comfortable masks.  Too busy, grumpy old man, mad philosopher, pre-occupied tinker, crisis manager, philanthropic volunteer....and the list goes on.

    I am fast approaching the conclusion that I need to tell people WHAT I am and HOW I think.  

    Although I already now know WHAT I am, I need to better WHY I think as I do, as an autistic human.  This place is helping illuminate these things to me very helpfully.

    I have hidden myself, from myself for 50+ years with my excellent masking.

    Self delusion of/by your own masks makes them very effective.

     Putting this into words will be necessary to communicate it to NT's.  Still working on this aspect of it.

    Thank you for helping me think sn.

    Kind regards

Reply
  • in reply to sn

    You are written something very helpful to me here - thank you.  By means of explanation;

    I have always been very honest about what I want...birthday treatment included....but never WHY !!

    My efforts to explain why, in the past, have always been dressed up in a whole wardrobe full of very comfortable masks.  Too busy, grumpy old man, mad philosopher, pre-occupied tinker, crisis manager, philanthropic volunteer....and the list goes on.

    I am fast approaching the conclusion that I need to tell people WHAT I am and HOW I think.  

    Although I already now know WHAT I am, I need to better WHY I think as I do, as an autistic human.  This place is helping illuminate these things to me very helpfully.

    I have hidden myself, from myself for 50+ years with my excellent masking.

    Self delusion of/by your own masks makes them very effective.

     Putting this into words will be necessary to communicate it to NT's.  Still working on this aspect of it.

    Thank you for helping me think sn.

    Kind regards

Children
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