Tired of miss communicating problems

Ok thank you it makes me feel like for once someone is sticking up for me and i feel like i am not just trying to fight loosing battles on my own. I start to believe the things said to me and i can flip into this feeling straight away that i want to die and not be here. I do make sure the kids are not around when we argue and so does he because we both experienced our parents arguing when young and i wouldnt want my children to feel that scared feelig i used to feel. But thanks for helping me to understand and believe in myself . I find it draining trying to communicate with him because it always ends up in argument. Let ke give u an example. Last night my daughter qoke up crying and i said maybe she is havi a bad dream is it ok if i bring her in our room and let her sleep in the bed with uss to make sure she isnt scared. He then said u do that but im not sleeping next to her crying im going to sleep in the spare room. And i said i am tired of having to choose between you and the kids all the time and i went to calm her down and put her back to sleep and it started a big argument where he said im immature and he gets annoyed with her in the bed as he cant sleep and i said but as parents you just deal with that so your child feels safe and comfort at night time. I find it hard to but i put up with the crying because i love her and he said im a D**head and i am stupid and emotional i tried to then say dont called me that and then he said shutup stop speaking over me and i said i kno im sorry its the aspergers i am just trying ...then he carried on shouting at me and i ended up flipping and shouting just shutup let me just say what i need to say. Then i said basically i was planning to sleep with the baby between us in bed and we both enjoy her company and both make her feel comforted and have a nice night and go to sleep like normal i was trying to say i dont want to have to choose between having the baby in the bed or you i just wanted us as a family in bed as i get a lot of comfort off that and as a child i always loved sleepi next to my parents and i wanted to give her that and wanted him to not get mad at me and then i said im sorry for the way i worded it because he was really angry at me and all along i wanted it to be like a compliment to tell him dont go in the spare room i would love you to sleep with us too and i tried to explain to him now we are both upset and i didnt want that i wanted us all to be happy tonight and not have him upset with me. He said ill never change and we will never get on and to shutup about aspwrgers and not even blame it on that because im using excuses to get away with what i say. At the end of it i thought why am i trying to even live and get on with people because i will always be the same and hated especially if the man i love hates me for it syrangers will and i will never fit in ever i just felt so sad thats why i posted on here because i was crying thinking i have nobody and i felt so alone in the house and just thought theres no point in trying to be alive. I also get sad that the kids when they grow up will trwat me like my partner and hate me for and they are the only people left that love me on this earth that i dont want to be hurt by me 

Ok thank you it makes me feel like for once someone is sticking up for me and i feel like i am not just trying to fight loosing battles on my own. I start to believe the things said to me and i can flip into this feeling straight away that i want to die and not be here. I do make sure the kids are not around when we argue and so does he because we both experienced our parents arguing when young and i wouldnt want my children to feel that scared feelig i used to feel. But thanks for helping me to understand and believe in myself . I find it draining trying to communicate with him because it always ends up in argument. Let ke give u an example. Last night my daughter qoke up crying and i said maybe she is havi a bad dream is it ok if i bring her in our room and let her sleep in the bed with uss to make sure she isnt scared. He then said u do that but im not sleeping next to her crying im going to sleep in the spare room. And i said i am tired of having to choose between you and the kids all the time and i went to calm her down and put her back to sleep and it started a big argument where he said im immature and he gets annoyed with her in the bed as he cant sleep and i said but as parents you just deal with that so your child feels safe and comfort at night time. I find it hard to but i put up with the crying because i love her and he said im a D**head and i am stupid and emotional i tried to then say dont called me that and then he said shutup stop speaking over me and i said i kno im sorry its the aspergers i am just trying ...then he carried on shouting at me and i ended up flipping and shouting just shutup let me just say what i need to say. Then i said basically i was planning to sleep with the baby between us in bed and we both enjoy her company and both make her feel comforted and have a nice night and go to sleep like normal i was trying to say i dont want to have to choose between having the baby in the bed or you i just wanted us as a family in bed as i get a lot of comfort off that and as a child i always loved sleepi next to my parents and i wanted to give her that and wanted him to not get mad at me and then i said im sorry for the way i worded it because he was really angry at me and all along i wanted it to be like a compliment to tell him dont go in the spare room i would love you to sleep with us too and i tried to explain to him now we are both upset and i didnt want that i wanted us all to be happy tonight and not have him upset with me. He said ill never change and we will never get on and to shutup about aspwrgers and not even blame it on that because im using excuses to get away with what i say. At the end of it i thought why am i trying to even live and get on with people because i will always be the same and hated especially if the man i love hates me for it syrangers will and i will never fit in ever i just felt so sad thats why i posted on here because i was crying thinking i have nobody and i felt so alone in the house and just thought theres no point in trying to be alive. I also get sad that the kids when they grow up will trwat me like my partner and hate me for and they are the only people left that love me on this earth that i dont want to be hurt by me