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My Mother who has Autism

Lottospots

Hi all,

This is a little bit of a different one (from what I can gather)…

Just a bit of background; my mother has three children from two marriages, myself (24 years old) and my sister (22 years old) from her current marriage (my farther & not autistic (and an absolute saint in my eyes!)) and a son (30) from a previous marriage. We all get on and my brother is treated as one of the family, and very rarely referred to as our ‘half’ brother.

My mother was formally diagnosed with autism a number of years back, which was not a shock to any of the family as she was (and still is) quite clearly autistic. She is 55 years old and has a brilliant sense of humour. Her talent is definitely the English language, written and spoken, and she loves maths but can struggle with it. When she is in the right mood she is absolutely wonderful to be around. She has never being an outwardly caring mother but she has done her best and we adore her for that.

We are all very sympathetic to her emotions & reactions to things and are all very understanding of her behaviour (we’ve never known anything different) but recently all of the immediate family has noticed a decline in her attitude to the world. She has become much more negative and assumes everything is against her.

She becomes obsessed with people who she thinks are ‘out to get her’ and believes everyone she works with hates her (apart from a very small group of people). But these are the same people, a number of years ago, who she was having a great time with. 

I guess my question is; how’s best to deal with this and help her?

We have tried explaining and reasoning with her (“no the government are not tracking who you are voting for, they don’t have the time or the resources” and such) but this doesn’t seem to be working. She is almost thinking herself into a deep depression and we can’t fix it.

She has also taking to becoming much more selfish that she used to be. She insists my farther should pick her above anyone else and became withdrawn when I mentioned I may be moving up north in a few years with my husband to be near his side of the family.

We just want to help her and make her feel as comfortable & safe in this loud and confusing world as possible. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you!

Parents

  • Hi,

    The fact you may move away is probably the main issue. My daughter is only 10, but I dread the day she may move away. I'm a creature of comfort & dearly hope she is too. I'd be lost if she moved away when older. I know it's selfish to say, but I'd do anything for her. In a real sense being gone, is losing someone. It will evoke grief & depression for the loss. And questioning of that persons loyalty & valuation of you.

    It's a fact that co-workers can easily exploit those with autism. I was personally set up by thieving managers & co-workers. They appeared normal. But abused my ASD body language. In a normal context the body language could be interpreted as hiding something or guilt. I lost several jobs due to others thieving & making it look like I'd been involved. This put my level of paranoia through the roof. And brought out thoughts deep down, that I knew couldn't be true. Such as feeling the council is run by those in the ruling party. And then fearing voting could be tracked & some kind of secret penalty placed, due to them having access to benefit notices etc. Obviously I know they don't have the resources to do that. But after experiencing abuse you may look to further injustices that are possible, not necessarily what's likely. 
    It may also be the case that if your mother feels that she did a good job with you, she should now be able to retire from certain roles. And should get more time from her partner as well. Questioning if she was a good mother, could be her reflecting on what she feels is a completed job.
Reply

  • Hi,

    The fact you may move away is probably the main issue. My daughter is only 10, but I dread the day she may move away. I'm a creature of comfort & dearly hope she is too. I'd be lost if she moved away when older. I know it's selfish to say, but I'd do anything for her. In a real sense being gone, is losing someone. It will evoke grief & depression for the loss. And questioning of that persons loyalty & valuation of you.

    It's a fact that co-workers can easily exploit those with autism. I was personally set up by thieving managers & co-workers. They appeared normal. But abused my ASD body language. In a normal context the body language could be interpreted as hiding something or guilt. I lost several jobs due to others thieving & making it look like I'd been involved. This put my level of paranoia through the roof. And brought out thoughts deep down, that I knew couldn't be true. Such as feeling the council is run by those in the ruling party. And then fearing voting could be tracked & some kind of secret penalty placed, due to them having access to benefit notices etc. Obviously I know they don't have the resources to do that. But after experiencing abuse you may look to further injustices that are possible, not necessarily what's likely. 
    It may also be the case that if your mother feels that she did a good job with you, she should now be able to retire from certain roles. And should get more time from her partner as well. Questioning if she was a good mother, could be her reflecting on what she feels is a completed job.
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