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My Mother who has Autism

Lottospots

Hi all,

This is a little bit of a different one (from what I can gather)…

Just a bit of background; my mother has three children from two marriages, myself (24 years old) and my sister (22 years old) from her current marriage (my farther & not autistic (and an absolute saint in my eyes!)) and a son (30) from a previous marriage. We all get on and my brother is treated as one of the family, and very rarely referred to as our ‘half’ brother.

My mother was formally diagnosed with autism a number of years back, which was not a shock to any of the family as she was (and still is) quite clearly autistic. She is 55 years old and has a brilliant sense of humour. Her talent is definitely the English language, written and spoken, and she loves maths but can struggle with it. When she is in the right mood she is absolutely wonderful to be around. She has never being an outwardly caring mother but she has done her best and we adore her for that.

We are all very sympathetic to her emotions & reactions to things and are all very understanding of her behaviour (we’ve never known anything different) but recently all of the immediate family has noticed a decline in her attitude to the world. She has become much more negative and assumes everything is against her.

She becomes obsessed with people who she thinks are ‘out to get her’ and believes everyone she works with hates her (apart from a very small group of people). But these are the same people, a number of years ago, who she was having a great time with. 

I guess my question is; how’s best to deal with this and help her?

We have tried explaining and reasoning with her (“no the government are not tracking who you are voting for, they don’t have the time or the resources” and such) but this doesn’t seem to be working. She is almost thinking herself into a deep depression and we can’t fix it.

She has also taking to becoming much more selfish that she used to be. She insists my farther should pick her above anyone else and became withdrawn when I mentioned I may be moving up north in a few years with my husband to be near his side of the family.

We just want to help her and make her feel as comfortable & safe in this loud and confusing world as possible. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you!

Parents

  • There must be a hell of a lot of Paranoid people out there. Perhaps it's realism. As regards people out to get her, she has most probably learnt they are not her friends from her own experience. As regards the government, lots think voting is rigged and let's face it, we all have a number on our polling cards. The government would have a log of who voted for who. I aren't very trusting of some and the government, don't get me started, the world is full of corruption let's face it. Its not how I started out and I do have personal reasons to not trust. Some can say you are paranoid when you are not, you are just stating what others have made you feel by treating you as they did. Some autistic people think either people are out to help you and if they aren't they are out to get you. But not in the way of Paranoid thinking. Just a way of saying they are not helping you. You have to ask yourself is their any credibility to the thinking. 

     Perhaps more tlc from them that truly do care is what is needed to change someone's mindset rather than labelling someone paranoid. Then perhaps you won't give a damn what others think or feel about you. Let's face it, they are only "colleagues". Not your family. It seems to me your mother needs to know you love her and she's losing you in her eyes. Big changes are happening. You were perhaps her "world" and the goodness in her life. It's good she does have some collegues she does get along with. And let's face it, kids are just on loan anyway as mostly at some point they do make a life for themselves. Perhaps she is feeling lonely. How I look at things is that a mother can be an excellent mother but not so good at being a wife and a father can be a great father but not so good at being a husband (if you see what I mean). There is the menopause also around the age of your mother. That alone brings on in some depression, anxiety, a feeling of woe and looking back at achievements or lack of achievements. 

    As regards the being a mother and showing it to kids, I have always been affectionate outwardly to my kids and still am now they are adults.I love my children and hope they know it. I am pretty confident they do. 

    And I would love to " think" my husband picks me above others but we both put our kids first. After they are left home it is time for each other. I always thought that was how it was meant to be in marriage? Although after the kids I certainly,don't think he will put me first.....others seem to be above me now....lol. am I being paranoid.....no I am being real. Actions speak louder than words they say!! 

Reply

  • There must be a hell of a lot of Paranoid people out there. Perhaps it's realism. As regards people out to get her, she has most probably learnt they are not her friends from her own experience. As regards the government, lots think voting is rigged and let's face it, we all have a number on our polling cards. The government would have a log of who voted for who. I aren't very trusting of some and the government, don't get me started, the world is full of corruption let's face it. Its not how I started out and I do have personal reasons to not trust. Some can say you are paranoid when you are not, you are just stating what others have made you feel by treating you as they did. Some autistic people think either people are out to help you and if they aren't they are out to get you. But not in the way of Paranoid thinking. Just a way of saying they are not helping you. You have to ask yourself is their any credibility to the thinking. 

     Perhaps more tlc from them that truly do care is what is needed to change someone's mindset rather than labelling someone paranoid. Then perhaps you won't give a damn what others think or feel about you. Let's face it, they are only "colleagues". Not your family. It seems to me your mother needs to know you love her and she's losing you in her eyes. Big changes are happening. You were perhaps her "world" and the goodness in her life. It's good she does have some collegues she does get along with. And let's face it, kids are just on loan anyway as mostly at some point they do make a life for themselves. Perhaps she is feeling lonely. How I look at things is that a mother can be an excellent mother but not so good at being a wife and a father can be a great father but not so good at being a husband (if you see what I mean). There is the menopause also around the age of your mother. That alone brings on in some depression, anxiety, a feeling of woe and looking back at achievements or lack of achievements. 

    As regards the being a mother and showing it to kids, I have always been affectionate outwardly to my kids and still am now they are adults.I love my children and hope they know it. I am pretty confident they do. 

    And I would love to " think" my husband picks me above others but we both put our kids first. After they are left home it is time for each other. I always thought that was how it was meant to be in marriage? Although after the kids I certainly,don't think he will put me first.....others seem to be above me now....lol. am I being paranoid.....no I am being real. Actions speak louder than words they say!! 

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