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What I've learned

Lotus

When I found out a few months ago that I was almost certainly on the Autistic spectrum, I reviewed my past and determined that I'd always "run away" (as I perceived it) from uncomfortable situations and people who made me feel worthless, or tried to make me behave how they thought I should. I felt that I'd been weak, and wanted to have counselling and learn about my "condition" so that I could be stronger and stop running away from things. 

But I've found that this was the wrong way to address things (for me anyway).

I found out that CBT, which is the recommended therapy, only consists of 6 sessions, is often carried out by therapists who don't understand autism, and primarily focuses on training people not to have negative thoughts, which it is believed lead to a cycle of low self esteem, depression and anxiety disorders. I don't have a negative self image, so I didn't see how such a short course of this type of therapy could help me. 

So I struggled on, trying to be strong but unable to break out of a cycle of illness, both mental and physical, caused by stress. I read numerous books and articles about autism, and about how to understand neuro-typical behaviour, but eventually I realised that my main problems were unbearable noise nuisance at home, and that I was no longer able to cope with working full time: to cut a long story short I've moved to a different flat and have now started working part time and I'm feeling much more positive. 

I now think that although it's useful to understand myself and others better, and have strategies to get through stressful / unexpected situations, what really helps me most is being as much in control of my life as much as possible and limiting the amount of time I spend outside of my home with other people to what is comfortable for me. 

I no longer think this is weakness. Being able to identify what makes you stressed and taking action to eliminate those things from your life can be brave. It may involve taking some risks. But I think it's worth it. 

As far as I know, we only have one life and it's fairly short. We shouldn't waste time trying to fit in with other people's ideas of what is best for us. We're individuals, for whom autism is only part of what makes us what we are.  Do what you think is right for you. 

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  • Former Member
    Former Member

    I've experienced similar things to that, where people will often come to me if they need someone to depend on, but when the times are good they'll go to their fairweather friends and I'll find myself shut out.  I hasten to add that not all are like that, but it's certainly a familiar situation.

    Thing with cliques, though, is they're very much a double-edged sword: it's easy to get swept along in their wake and to feel apart and excluded, but I've found that once I've had time to compose myself, it's not something I want to be a part of anyway.  Even when there are common interests, quite often the group mentality spoils it for me: I've quite like to enjoy things in my own way.  Spending time online has been good for me as I've met a lot of kindred spirits (ASD and NT alike) who have the same approach to stuff; IRL, I find that the people I get along with are more often than not people who I don't seem to have anything in common with.

    The workplace clique is often its own thing, though: although I've worked in some places where there's regular people who just get along (the sort where there isn't a clique and anybody is welcome), I've also known places where it does feel artificial and forced, much like The Office or The Fast Show's "zany" office joker.  Not something I would want to be a part of, especially, but as a working environment it kinda sucks.  Trouble is, it usually only takes one person to make it like that.

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  • Former Member
    Former Member

    I've experienced similar things to that, where people will often come to me if they need someone to depend on, but when the times are good they'll go to their fairweather friends and I'll find myself shut out.  I hasten to add that not all are like that, but it's certainly a familiar situation.

    Thing with cliques, though, is they're very much a double-edged sword: it's easy to get swept along in their wake and to feel apart and excluded, but I've found that once I've had time to compose myself, it's not something I want to be a part of anyway.  Even when there are common interests, quite often the group mentality spoils it for me: I've quite like to enjoy things in my own way.  Spending time online has been good for me as I've met a lot of kindred spirits (ASD and NT alike) who have the same approach to stuff; IRL, I find that the people I get along with are more often than not people who I don't seem to have anything in common with.

    The workplace clique is often its own thing, though: although I've worked in some places where there's regular people who just get along (the sort where there isn't a clique and anybody is welcome), I've also known places where it does feel artificial and forced, much like The Office or The Fast Show's "zany" office joker.  Not something I would want to be a part of, especially, but as a working environment it kinda sucks.  Trouble is, it usually only takes one person to make it like that.

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