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Emotional Intelligence

KeyboardWorrier68

Hi, KW68 here again,

Been doing some thinking and I have been coming back to the idea of emotional intelligence, and how basically this is something that those with an ASD struggle with.

I am not sure whether the issues I used to have with my spouse being upset & my not offering her empathy is a signal of that lack of emotional intelligence, of not being able to tell what to do in such situations (other than to kind of think "I hope she'll get over it"). When she used to ask if I loved her I'd get rather flustered, point to the fact that I was with her, that I did things to care for her, were my response, but I never ever thought to just say "I love you" in response. I can't tell if it was just that I didn't love her, or just couldn't express it.

Does anyone else here have similar experiences of just wishing that emotional conversations didn't surface, of not knowing what to say or do in response?

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  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Lotus said:

    With regard to sympathy and empathy, sympathy is supposed to be a feeling you have towards someone, while empathy is supposed to be an ability to imagine being the person experiencing the emotion. But I've read that there are different types of empathy: cognitive empathy enables you to more objectively imagine being in a situation, while affective or emotional empathy means you actually experience the emotion that someone else is feeling. (a bit like Deanna Troi in star trek)

    I think I have been struggling with the definitions. I found

    The term “empathy” is used to describe a wide range of experiences. Emotion researchers generally define empathy as the ability to sense other people’s emotions, coupled with the ability to imagine what someone else might be thinking or feeling.

    greatergood.berkeley.edu/.../definition

    which picks up what you were saying about imagining what another is feeling (putting yourslef in someone else shoes) but adds in the ability to detect or recognise (e.g. through non-verbal signals) the state that someone is in - having a clue about the shoes to put yourself in. So, I think I had some of the definition in my mind but it was not complete.

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  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Lotus said:

    With regard to sympathy and empathy, sympathy is supposed to be a feeling you have towards someone, while empathy is supposed to be an ability to imagine being the person experiencing the emotion. But I've read that there are different types of empathy: cognitive empathy enables you to more objectively imagine being in a situation, while affective or emotional empathy means you actually experience the emotion that someone else is feeling. (a bit like Deanna Troi in star trek)

    I think I have been struggling with the definitions. I found

    The term “empathy” is used to describe a wide range of experiences. Emotion researchers generally define empathy as the ability to sense other people’s emotions, coupled with the ability to imagine what someone else might be thinking or feeling.

    greatergood.berkeley.edu/.../definition

    which picks up what you were saying about imagining what another is feeling (putting yourslef in someone else shoes) but adds in the ability to detect or recognise (e.g. through non-verbal signals) the state that someone is in - having a clue about the shoes to put yourself in. So, I think I had some of the definition in my mind but it was not complete.

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