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Emotional Intelligence

KeyboardWorrier68

Hi, KW68 here again,

Been doing some thinking and I have been coming back to the idea of emotional intelligence, and how basically this is something that those with an ASD struggle with.

I am not sure whether the issues I used to have with my spouse being upset & my not offering her empathy is a signal of that lack of emotional intelligence, of not being able to tell what to do in such situations (other than to kind of think "I hope she'll get over it"). When she used to ask if I loved her I'd get rather flustered, point to the fact that I was with her, that I did things to care for her, were my response, but I never ever thought to just say "I love you" in response. I can't tell if it was just that I didn't love her, or just couldn't express it.

Does anyone else here have similar experiences of just wishing that emotional conversations didn't surface, of not knowing what to say or do in response?

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  • NAS18906 said:

    [quote][/quote]

    I am not sure whether the issues I used to have with my spouse being upset & my not offering her empathy is a signal of that lack of emotional intelligence,

    I think Spock would say that Love is illogical! Actually I think we are too emotionally drained and distressed most of the time to recognise love. Expressing the words is also difficult because we are not good at looking people in the eye and talking about emotions. If you look at someone's shoes and mumble "I love you" it isn't going to sound very convincing is it?

    This reminded me of the scene in the movie 'Rain Man' (yes, I know it was only a film) where Dustin Hoffman, who normally couldn't express his emotions, at one point put his head on his brother's shoulder (or somewhere near there) as a show of affection. It makes me cry now at the thought of it.

    The other memorable bit in that movie (which was funny) was when his brother was going to take him on a plane and Hoffman's reluctance to go because of all the aircrashes he had memorized, so they ended up going by road.

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  • NAS18906 said:

    [quote][/quote]

    I am not sure whether the issues I used to have with my spouse being upset & my not offering her empathy is a signal of that lack of emotional intelligence,

    I think Spock would say that Love is illogical! Actually I think we are too emotionally drained and distressed most of the time to recognise love. Expressing the words is also difficult because we are not good at looking people in the eye and talking about emotions. If you look at someone's shoes and mumble "I love you" it isn't going to sound very convincing is it?

    This reminded me of the scene in the movie 'Rain Man' (yes, I know it was only a film) where Dustin Hoffman, who normally couldn't express his emotions, at one point put his head on his brother's shoulder (or somewhere near there) as a show of affection. It makes me cry now at the thought of it.

    The other memorable bit in that movie (which was funny) was when his brother was going to take him on a plane and Hoffman's reluctance to go because of all the aircrashes he had memorized, so they ended up going by road.

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