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Emotional Intelligence

KeyboardWorrier68

Hi, KW68 here again,

Been doing some thinking and I have been coming back to the idea of emotional intelligence, and how basically this is something that those with an ASD struggle with.

I am not sure whether the issues I used to have with my spouse being upset & my not offering her empathy is a signal of that lack of emotional intelligence, of not being able to tell what to do in such situations (other than to kind of think "I hope she'll get over it"). When she used to ask if I loved her I'd get rather flustered, point to the fact that I was with her, that I did things to care for her, were my response, but I never ever thought to just say "I love you" in response. I can't tell if it was just that I didn't love her, or just couldn't express it.

Does anyone else here have similar experiences of just wishing that emotional conversations didn't surface, of not knowing what to say or do in response?

Parents

  • I have been researching what emotional intelligence really means. It's not just about empathy, it's also about being able to recognise and control our own emotions. Here is a quiz to test your EI :-

    www.mindtools.com/.../ei-quiz.htm

    The website containing the quiz has some helpful tips for improving your EI too. One of these is to practice mindfulness, where you pay attention to your emotions and use techniques to either control them or use them to your advantage. I was interested to discover that sadness promotes analytical thought.

    I believe that many of us have trouble identifying our own emotions - when I first read about the mindfulness technique a while back, I started trying to analyse my own emotions and found it difficult. Much of the time I'm what I term as "neutral" - not perceiving myself as experiencing any emotion. When something stressful happened and I tried to identify what I was feeling, my best description was "feeling bad". 

    When I feel what I think other people describe as happy, for me it seems more appropriate to describe it as being in a positive mood. In this state I can concentrate and come up with ideas more easily. I can also be more aware of the moods of others and respond to them in a more useful way. 

    With regard to sympathy and empathy, sympathy is supposed to be a feeling you have towards someone, while empathy is supposed to be an ability to imagine being the person experiencing the emotion. But I've read that there are different types of empathy: cognitive empathy enables you to more objectively imagine being in a situation, while affective or emotional empathy means you actually experience the emotion that someone else is feeling. (a bit like Deanna Troi in star trek)

    I have emotional empathy, particularly when it involves someone with negative feelings such as sadness or anxiety, and I think that maybe this is common for people on the Autistic spectrum. It can be very uncomfortable, so perhaps some of us unconsciously put up a barrier to this to protect ourselves, particularly if we're experiencing a lot of anxiety?

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  • I have been researching what emotional intelligence really means. It's not just about empathy, it's also about being able to recognise and control our own emotions. Here is a quiz to test your EI :-

    www.mindtools.com/.../ei-quiz.htm

    The website containing the quiz has some helpful tips for improving your EI too. One of these is to practice mindfulness, where you pay attention to your emotions and use techniques to either control them or use them to your advantage. I was interested to discover that sadness promotes analytical thought.

    I believe that many of us have trouble identifying our own emotions - when I first read about the mindfulness technique a while back, I started trying to analyse my own emotions and found it difficult. Much of the time I'm what I term as "neutral" - not perceiving myself as experiencing any emotion. When something stressful happened and I tried to identify what I was feeling, my best description was "feeling bad". 

    When I feel what I think other people describe as happy, for me it seems more appropriate to describe it as being in a positive mood. In this state I can concentrate and come up with ideas more easily. I can also be more aware of the moods of others and respond to them in a more useful way. 

    With regard to sympathy and empathy, sympathy is supposed to be a feeling you have towards someone, while empathy is supposed to be an ability to imagine being the person experiencing the emotion. But I've read that there are different types of empathy: cognitive empathy enables you to more objectively imagine being in a situation, while affective or emotional empathy means you actually experience the emotion that someone else is feeling. (a bit like Deanna Troi in star trek)

    I have emotional empathy, particularly when it involves someone with negative feelings such as sadness or anxiety, and I think that maybe this is common for people on the Autistic spectrum. It can be very uncomfortable, so perhaps some of us unconsciously put up a barrier to this to protect ourselves, particularly if we're experiencing a lot of anxiety?

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