Hi, is there anyone else who is HFA and a self harmer? This feels very lonely.
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Former Member
Martian Tom said:
That's an interesting perspective. Yes, it is a coping method. But it has taken on an edge for me that's gone a bit darker over the last year or two. It's only when I've been drinking, too, that the very darkest thoughts come into my head. I've acted on those thoughts in the past, too - a couple of times very seriously. So whenever I drink, I always know there's the risk I'll go to that place again. And one day, if the frame of mind is such, it's always possible I may not return from it.
It's Russian Roulette every time. And I do see it much more often now as punishment rather than reward.
It may be worth keeping a note. For a time I wondered if I was more self-destructive if I'd been drinking but it didn't take long to realise it wasn't a relevant factor. Which may or may not be true of others: after all, it is disinhibiting, though that in itself might well suggest that there are problems that one needs to be helped with which are otherwise just being suppressed.
Edit: I forgot, an important point I wanted to make is that we live in a rather toxic blame culture and "you drink too much" is a very convenient way to offset that blame in a way that may not be helpful.
That's an interesting perspective. Yes, it is a coping method. But it has taken on an edge for me that's gone a bit darker over the last year or two. It's only when I've been drinking, too, that the very darkest thoughts come into my head. I've acted on those thoughts in the past, too - a couple of times very seriously. So whenever I drink, I always know there's the risk I'll go to that place again. And one day, if the frame of mind is such, it's always possible I may not return from it.
It's Russian Roulette every time. And I do see it much more often now as punishment rather than reward.
It may be worth keeping a note. For a time I wondered if I was more self-destructive if I'd been drinking but it didn't take long to realise it wasn't a relevant factor. Which may or may not be true of others: after all, it is disinhibiting, though that in itself might well suggest that there are problems that one needs to be helped with which are otherwise just being suppressed.
Edit: I forgot, an important point I wanted to make is that we live in a rather toxic blame culture and "you drink too much" is a very convenient way to offset that blame in a way that may not be helpful.
