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Exhausted and Disheartened

Darla

Hi everyone. I am a woman with autism. Many of my family members are diagnosed with autism, aspergers, whatever. Most of the time, I see our difference as also being our strength. Most of the time I like that I approach problems in a different way to others, that I have different motivators, that my focus can be absolute, pure. However, today is Saturday, and that means I have a headache and cannot be engaging with anyone who wants anything that is not stated and obvious i.e. the cat that lives with me wants food, but she is very clear- I give her the food and she eats it and is happy. Well done beautiful cat and well done me! Saturday's are always like this. I think the week overloads me and I just need to be nothing to no one for a bit. Today though, I am sad. I have had a busy week- I have a responsible job, doing something that matters. I manage a team that supports other people. I need to understand situations and resolve these. This involves directing other staff. Twice this week I have explained to people what I have wanted them to do, and twice they have appeared to understand and then done something similar, but worryingly different. When I have asked them about this, they have told me what they thought I asked them- it has been importantly different from what I had in mind. And that is the issue. If I know what I want then I assume that other people also know. This is not news to me, but it is so exhausting always remembering to check and double check. How do you do that without patronising people anyway? I suppose I could say that it's my problem, but I need them to tell me what I just said, so I know that I said it right. Because, inside my head, it's quick and clear and targeted. And outside? I don't know what it sounds like outside. Some people at work know about the autism- well, everyone gossips all the time, so probably everyone knows. I don't need them to understand. I need to be able to do my job properly and not feel like I do today. I am just venting! Other people are so other... I also had a row with someone I admire. The row happened because I was frustrated that they were not checking their phone often enough for messages (so didn't see my messages to them). We are required to check our phones at work, so I do it and, because I was stressed, it was upsetting for me that they did not. It wasn't even a big deal. Sometimes I bore myself.

Parents

  • Hi Pixiefox,

    your work situation is very upsetting. Is there anyone that can help you to speak to your employers about other solutions than leaving? So many times in my life, I've just gone along with what other people have asked me to do, either because it's easier or because I thought it was the only solution. It is also easy to feel personally unwanted when it is just the situation that others don't like. They don't understand the problem, so it is hard for them to come up with positive solutions. Do you have access to an Occupational Health assessment? - your employer may be able to refer you. I certainly would with someone whose work is otherwise good, but who is struggling with ill-health for unclear reasons. The assessment might lead to you getting support and to recommendations of reasonable adjustments your employers can make (to make it possible for you to work well and more happily). I'd be asking if your hours could be adjusted so you could start later and finish earlier or vice versa (but I don't know your situation). My employers have always been very supportive, but I have gone through times when my work was not right for me and I needed to change, but because I was stressed, the thought of change was unbearable. It's easy to get stuck. We need to know ourselves very well in order to advocate for ourselves. I also wonder about a Sensory Profile assessment. You would need to find an OT who specialises in Sensory Integration. I hope that you find someone to help and a positive way forwards. 

    I share the retirement thought! Every time something knocks me back at work, I start writing my notice in my head and planning a new life... One day...

    Also, I too am fortunate to have other people with AS in my life. Among others (I have a complicated family) one of my sons has a diagnosis. He is such easy company for me. We are both peaceful people who know exactly what works for us at home. I have another son who does not have a diagnosis, but could have if he wanted, and he is great company too. My middle son is just the best! He has grown up surrounded by people who are extremely competent and smart, who suddenly get stressed because someone touched them, a loud noise happened, the lights are too bright, there is a person wearing perfume, the material is wrong etc etc. fortunately, we all share the same wry sense of humour - he won't shop with us at Tesco on a Friday or Saturday as he reckons nobody has got time for that in their lives! 

Reply

  • Hi Pixiefox,

    your work situation is very upsetting. Is there anyone that can help you to speak to your employers about other solutions than leaving? So many times in my life, I've just gone along with what other people have asked me to do, either because it's easier or because I thought it was the only solution. It is also easy to feel personally unwanted when it is just the situation that others don't like. They don't understand the problem, so it is hard for them to come up with positive solutions. Do you have access to an Occupational Health assessment? - your employer may be able to refer you. I certainly would with someone whose work is otherwise good, but who is struggling with ill-health for unclear reasons. The assessment might lead to you getting support and to recommendations of reasonable adjustments your employers can make (to make it possible for you to work well and more happily). I'd be asking if your hours could be adjusted so you could start later and finish earlier or vice versa (but I don't know your situation). My employers have always been very supportive, but I have gone through times when my work was not right for me and I needed to change, but because I was stressed, the thought of change was unbearable. It's easy to get stuck. We need to know ourselves very well in order to advocate for ourselves. I also wonder about a Sensory Profile assessment. You would need to find an OT who specialises in Sensory Integration. I hope that you find someone to help and a positive way forwards. 

    I share the retirement thought! Every time something knocks me back at work, I start writing my notice in my head and planning a new life... One day...

    Also, I too am fortunate to have other people with AS in my life. Among others (I have a complicated family) one of my sons has a diagnosis. He is such easy company for me. We are both peaceful people who know exactly what works for us at home. I have another son who does not have a diagnosis, but could have if he wanted, and he is great company too. My middle son is just the best! He has grown up surrounded by people who are extremely competent and smart, who suddenly get stressed because someone touched them, a loud noise happened, the lights are too bright, there is a person wearing perfume, the material is wrong etc etc. fortunately, we all share the same wry sense of humour - he won't shop with us at Tesco on a Friday or Saturday as he reckons nobody has got time for that in their lives! 

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