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Dealing with People One to One or in Numbers

Wellington

I recently went through two extreme social weeks which kind of made me wonder if individuals on the spectrum have similiar experiences. Firstly I should just say that I have not been diagnosed but am currently pondering whether I should.

The first was a realisation of how different I feel when I am on my own or just with my wife, in contrast to being around many people. This dawned on me during a weeks holiday in contrast to being at work. The thing I noticed is how less tired and more energy I had when I was around less people. As soon as I returned to work, I felt drained and lifeless again. It amuses me as I actually do more exercise etc. whilst on holiday. The difference is quite profound. It might be a reduction of work stress, I realise that, but I am interested if anybody has any thoughts, especially if this sort of change is noticeable by people with autism.

Secondly, for work I recently had to propmote what my department does at a sales conference. This involved talking to individuals throughout the day about what my company does and our role within it. I think I spoke to about 50 people in total. I found the whole experience horrific. It was just exhausting and I felt panic all the way through,  in case I was saying the wrong thing. However, my work peers on stalls around me all told me afterwards that I was doing a great job. It certainly felt the opposite to this. This leads to me feeling confused. How can I come across so well but feel such a failure about it? I have done talks and presentations before where you stand in front of a crowd and present, but that is different somehow to this. It is like the crowd is a single entity whereas this one to one is much trickier.

Anybody else had similiar experiences? Thank you....

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  • Hi Wellington 

    Yeah, social exhaustion is definitely an Aspie trait. Just doing my normal day to day job is quite tiring for me. I also feel much better after a few days off.

    I too can do presentations,  but really don't feel comfortable dealing with more than a couple of people at a time. I also find the stress is exacerbated by being in an unfamiliar setting.

    The difference between us and neurotypical (NT) people is that we all start out (as babies)  being very sensitive to stimulus, however by the time they are adults NTs brains have learned to filter sensory inputs, allowing them to ignore all the information coming in through their senses apart from that which they want to concentrate on. In addition, the sensory input is dulled by their brain, enabling them to not be overwhelmed. I don't need to tell you that this doesn't happen, or happens to a lesser degree, to people on the autistic spectrum (you only have to watch the "too much information" video on this website). 

    Many of us train ourselves to act in a neurotypical way, so we come across as fairly confident social beings. I find this sometimes means that people think they "know" me when they haven't really got a clue. 

    To an NT, a confident looking, smiling person is "friendly" whereas a person who avoids eye contact and has a sad or blank expression is "unfriendly" i.e. not to be trusted, a potential enemy. People with strong neurotypical personalities see everyone as either "friend" or "enemy" via their judgement of the person's appearance and behaviour. This is how people with strongly neurotypical personalities decide who they want to be friends with. It's not a conscious thing, it's automatic and just how their brain is "wired". 

    The problem is that if we present as typically autistic - with the sad looking / blank expression and poor eye contact, it usually means we are anxious, not unfriendly, but it can hinder us in forming relationships. I guess most of us posting on here probably fall somewhere in-between and have some days where we're more "autistic"  than others. 

    I'm lucky to be married to another Aspie and also have an Aspie best friend, and now I'm middle aged I no longer want a "social life" - I'm happier at home. I refuse invitations for all work social events - even lunch time ones - now as I don't see the point of doing something I don't enjoy to please others, but I still sometimes encounter people who can't understand this. I can't wait to retire!  ;)

Reply

  • Hi Wellington 

    Yeah, social exhaustion is definitely an Aspie trait. Just doing my normal day to day job is quite tiring for me. I also feel much better after a few days off.

    I too can do presentations,  but really don't feel comfortable dealing with more than a couple of people at a time. I also find the stress is exacerbated by being in an unfamiliar setting.

    The difference between us and neurotypical (NT) people is that we all start out (as babies)  being very sensitive to stimulus, however by the time they are adults NTs brains have learned to filter sensory inputs, allowing them to ignore all the information coming in through their senses apart from that which they want to concentrate on. In addition, the sensory input is dulled by their brain, enabling them to not be overwhelmed. I don't need to tell you that this doesn't happen, or happens to a lesser degree, to people on the autistic spectrum (you only have to watch the "too much information" video on this website). 

    Many of us train ourselves to act in a neurotypical way, so we come across as fairly confident social beings. I find this sometimes means that people think they "know" me when they haven't really got a clue. 

    To an NT, a confident looking, smiling person is "friendly" whereas a person who avoids eye contact and has a sad or blank expression is "unfriendly" i.e. not to be trusted, a potential enemy. People with strong neurotypical personalities see everyone as either "friend" or "enemy" via their judgement of the person's appearance and behaviour. This is how people with strongly neurotypical personalities decide who they want to be friends with. It's not a conscious thing, it's automatic and just how their brain is "wired". 

    The problem is that if we present as typically autistic - with the sad looking / blank expression and poor eye contact, it usually means we are anxious, not unfriendly, but it can hinder us in forming relationships. I guess most of us posting on here probably fall somewhere in-between and have some days where we're more "autistic"  than others. 

    I'm lucky to be married to another Aspie and also have an Aspie best friend, and now I'm middle aged I no longer want a "social life" - I'm happier at home. I refuse invitations for all work social events - even lunch time ones - now as I don't see the point of doing something I don't enjoy to please others, but I still sometimes encounter people who can't understand this. I can't wait to retire!  ;)

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