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Dealing with People One to One or in Numbers

Wellington

I recently went through two extreme social weeks which kind of made me wonder if individuals on the spectrum have similiar experiences. Firstly I should just say that I have not been diagnosed but am currently pondering whether I should.

The first was a realisation of how different I feel when I am on my own or just with my wife, in contrast to being around many people. This dawned on me during a weeks holiday in contrast to being at work. The thing I noticed is how less tired and more energy I had when I was around less people. As soon as I returned to work, I felt drained and lifeless again. It amuses me as I actually do more exercise etc. whilst on holiday. The difference is quite profound. It might be a reduction of work stress, I realise that, but I am interested if anybody has any thoughts, especially if this sort of change is noticeable by people with autism.

Secondly, for work I recently had to propmote what my department does at a sales conference. This involved talking to individuals throughout the day about what my company does and our role within it. I think I spoke to about 50 people in total. I found the whole experience horrific. It was just exhausting and I felt panic all the way through,  in case I was saying the wrong thing. However, my work peers on stalls around me all told me afterwards that I was doing a great job. It certainly felt the opposite to this. This leads to me feeling confused. How can I come across so well but feel such a failure about it? I have done talks and presentations before where you stand in front of a crowd and present, but that is different somehow to this. It is like the crowd is a single entity whereas this one to one is much trickier.

Anybody else had similiar experiences? Thank you....

Parents

  • It seems to me that most people on the spectrum find it stressful dealing with other people, and generally prefer solitude or a close personal relationship to being part of a group. Whether that is a trait shared by neurotypical individuals I really don't know. NT people generally seem to gravitate towards group activity, and one can only surmise that most seem to enjoy it rather than just doing it to fit in.

    My biggest problem is not in speaking to individuals on a one-to-one basis, because I find I can usually take a dominant role in any conversation and focus on a specific topic without getting drawn into general social discourse. What I find most difficult is dealing with small groups of people, because I invariably get shut out from the conversation as I just don't 'get' the underlying social comminication between the other people.

    When it comes to public speaking, it's not surprising you find it easier than dealing with people individually if you do have any autisic traits, since one does not have any social interraction with the audience (providing you are just giving a speech, of course). I have only been in this sort of situation a few times, and have not found it too hard after getting over the initial stage-fright and fear of making a complete ass of myself.

    So you may be on the spectrum but you seem to have coped with life rather well up to this point. I am currently considering whether to get a formal diagnosis, although I am in no doubt about having Asperger's myself. I would suggest you get a few books on the subject (if you haven't already done so), like Asperger's Syndrome and Anxiety - this really made me realize how much my life has been affected by having an ASD.

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  • It seems to me that most people on the spectrum find it stressful dealing with other people, and generally prefer solitude or a close personal relationship to being part of a group. Whether that is a trait shared by neurotypical individuals I really don't know. NT people generally seem to gravitate towards group activity, and one can only surmise that most seem to enjoy it rather than just doing it to fit in.

    My biggest problem is not in speaking to individuals on a one-to-one basis, because I find I can usually take a dominant role in any conversation and focus on a specific topic without getting drawn into general social discourse. What I find most difficult is dealing with small groups of people, because I invariably get shut out from the conversation as I just don't 'get' the underlying social comminication between the other people.

    When it comes to public speaking, it's not surprising you find it easier than dealing with people individually if you do have any autisic traits, since one does not have any social interraction with the audience (providing you are just giving a speech, of course). I have only been in this sort of situation a few times, and have not found it too hard after getting over the initial stage-fright and fear of making a complete ass of myself.

    So you may be on the spectrum but you seem to have coped with life rather well up to this point. I am currently considering whether to get a formal diagnosis, although I am in no doubt about having Asperger's myself. I would suggest you get a few books on the subject (if you haven't already done so), like Asperger's Syndrome and Anxiety - this really made me realize how much my life has been affected by having an ASD.

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