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Intense eye contact

westie
over 8 years ago

Hi. I work with an adult who has aspergers, as his support worker at HE college. We get along very well and i have worked with other ASD students in the past, but i've never known the amount of eye contact he gives me, in any of my past students. He really looks deep into my eyes when he is talking to me and never breaks it when i talk back to him. He also frequently looks at my mouth and then back up to my eyes when im talking back to him. He totally zoned in on my mouth the other day amd parted his lips whilst doing so. If i didn't know any better....well, you know where i'm going with my thoughts on this. I know ive gone into facial cues / body language descriptions in detsil, but i do need some answers re this. We are both adults, but does all this mean he has a crush on me? Id like some answers if anyone has any.

Thanks

Parents
  • over 8 years ago

    Reading your first post (about eye contact) I thought about how some people describe focussing past someone but looking in the right direction so that it appears they are making eye contact. On the other hand, some people look at the mouth because it's near enough to the eyes for someone else to think it's eye contact, or because lipreading can help some people with auditory processing difficulties. So based on the eye contact issue as you described it, I wasn't convinced that the student fancied you, although I think it would be impossible to judge the situation remotely via an online forum with only this information.

    When you later mention about him liking his space, and yet being physically close to you, this seems a more tangible behaviour/discrepancy to think it could indicate something. If you find it to be an unsuitably close distance or could be a precursor to other behaviour then you should consider how to raise this with him. Or, as you say later, it could be an indication of feeling relaxed (rather than having a crush on you). Even if he has a crush, he may already be sufficiently aware of the boundaries and skilled not to act further on his feelings.

    Do you have a means of professional support, e.g. colleagues or manager, where you could discuss this situation and individual in more detail and collaboratively work out how to respond (if this is needed)?

Reply
  • over 8 years ago

    Reading your first post (about eye contact) I thought about how some people describe focussing past someone but looking in the right direction so that it appears they are making eye contact. On the other hand, some people look at the mouth because it's near enough to the eyes for someone else to think it's eye contact, or because lipreading can help some people with auditory processing difficulties. So based on the eye contact issue as you described it, I wasn't convinced that the student fancied you, although I think it would be impossible to judge the situation remotely via an online forum with only this information.

    When you later mention about him liking his space, and yet being physically close to you, this seems a more tangible behaviour/discrepancy to think it could indicate something. If you find it to be an unsuitably close distance or could be a precursor to other behaviour then you should consider how to raise this with him. Or, as you say later, it could be an indication of feeling relaxed (rather than having a crush on you). Even if he has a crush, he may already be sufficiently aware of the boundaries and skilled not to act further on his feelings.

    Do you have a means of professional support, e.g. colleagues or manager, where you could discuss this situation and individual in more detail and collaboratively work out how to respond (if this is needed)?

Children
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