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Intense eye contact

westie
over 8 years ago

Hi. I work with an adult who has aspergers, as his support worker at HE college. We get along very well and i have worked with other ASD students in the past, but i've never known the amount of eye contact he gives me, in any of my past students. He really looks deep into my eyes when he is talking to me and never breaks it when i talk back to him. He also frequently looks at my mouth and then back up to my eyes when im talking back to him. He totally zoned in on my mouth the other day amd parted his lips whilst doing so. If i didn't know any better....well, you know where i'm going with my thoughts on this. I know ive gone into facial cues / body language descriptions in detsil, but i do need some answers re this. We are both adults, but does all this mean he has a crush on me? Id like some answers if anyone has any.

Thanks

Parents
  • over 8 years ago

    This is very interesting. I'm an"Aspie" female, married to an Aspie male and I used to wonder why people often seemed uncomfortable with him, and I think it's because his eye contact is sometimes quite prolonged/ intense and so I believe they can feel threatened. I think it's because when he meets someone new he is concentrating on weighing up what they are saying and trying to "read" them. 

    Luckily I have learnt how to do "correct" eye contact and people usually seem comfortable talking to me. I think males often have more difficulty with this than females.

    I can't advise as to whether he is attracted to you. Even Aspies can have problems reading Aspies - we're all individuals and don't always behave the same way (which is why we often don't get accepted into social groups)

    If you wanted to have a relationship with him (if that's allowed?)  it would be best to invite him out for a coffee somewhere you could talk privately and ask him how he feels about you. Aspie men are often shy and would be scared of making the first move, and appreciate people being honest and open with them.

    But if you're not interested or it's not allowed, just continue to treat him in a professional way and if he does exhibit any inappropriate behaviour, explain to him that it is inappropriate (in a private setting) while assuring him that you enjoy working with him and want to help him achieve his full potential. 

    Good luck,  Pixie 

Reply
  • over 8 years ago

    This is very interesting. I'm an"Aspie" female, married to an Aspie male and I used to wonder why people often seemed uncomfortable with him, and I think it's because his eye contact is sometimes quite prolonged/ intense and so I believe they can feel threatened. I think it's because when he meets someone new he is concentrating on weighing up what they are saying and trying to "read" them. 

    Luckily I have learnt how to do "correct" eye contact and people usually seem comfortable talking to me. I think males often have more difficulty with this than females.

    I can't advise as to whether he is attracted to you. Even Aspies can have problems reading Aspies - we're all individuals and don't always behave the same way (which is why we often don't get accepted into social groups)

    If you wanted to have a relationship with him (if that's allowed?)  it would be best to invite him out for a coffee somewhere you could talk privately and ask him how he feels about you. Aspie men are often shy and would be scared of making the first move, and appreciate people being honest and open with them.

    But if you're not interested or it's not allowed, just continue to treat him in a professional way and if he does exhibit any inappropriate behaviour, explain to him that it is inappropriate (in a private setting) while assuring him that you enjoy working with him and want to help him achieve his full potential. 

    Good luck,  Pixie 

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