Hello I have just joined the site, i am 52 years of age and think I may have autism. Last week I had a melt down! I was due to go on holiday. The night before I took my dog to the boarding kennels and broke my heart and was unconsolable! I didn't go on my holiday that I had so been looking forward to. This brought on a conversation with a collegue who discretky mentioned autism. I looked up on this and everything started to fall into place. Briefly my childhood was sad, traumatic and emotional. I spent some time I don't know how long, in foster care and a childrens home with my brother. I don't remember much of my childhood. during my teenage years I was disruptive at school, spent a lot of time on my own, played truant. I refused to go to school for my mum for approx 3 months when I was about 14 years. I wasn't naughty but stayed at gone tidying up . I recall constantly washing my hands for a period. I had an image and a weird sensation of sleeping on boards, and can sometimes occasionally experience this now. I cut all my hair off to be like the boys! I left school with 2 gcse's, knowing I could have done better and regretted it. I worked hard, always wanting to do a perfect job. I seemed to learn What people expected of me. I became promiscuous, thinking that this was the only way I could be close to someone. I could not recognise when someone truly liked me. I was often on my own. I went from one job to another! Continueing to live a destructive life but always in employment. In alcohol I would break my heart crying in public and could become angry in alahol. I have struggled with depression, low self esteem, obsessive thoughts all my life. Struggled to cope with demands and changes in my life and unexpected occurrences. I am articulate, very caring and supportive. My head feels full! Foggy! My memory is poor and I struggle to retain information! I have highs and lows and cannot hide my emotions. I have never married and had no children. I have few friends and most of my relationships with men have been based around sex. It's as though this is what is exoected of me. I went to see my doctor yesterday, she was very supportive and is going to refer me to the mental health team. However, I am concerned that they will dismiss me as they have in the past. Something is not right! Why do I feel different? I am a strong minded person. What do you think From reading this? I would appreciate your advice. Many thanks
