Published on 12, July, 2020
I am approaching my 47th birthday, (yet another birthday alone despite having a huge family) and although no less than three experts now think I am an Aspie, after waiting for my official testing day for over three years (after many decades of self-discovery and living Hell-On-Earth everyday) I chased up my testing to be told that I had waited too long and had to be reset, start the waiting period again. In that time I have become even more isolated from society than my norm, which was general isolation in the first place. Being a musician, I retreated into my headphones and I have stayed there for four years now. The shape of my head is actually changing because of this and no help from anyone.
So my question is, are there any other Aspies out there who can offer advice on coping with extreme isolation? After 10 years you kinda go numb, 15 years it becomes normal, but after 20 years of isolation now the only reason I do not kill myself is because I actually died in 1994 and had such a powerful NDE that I now believe karmically if I did kill myself I would have to start this hell all over again, so I endure, how do others endure?
What makes it worse is I had a very dangerous alcoholic Mother growing up, and being the eldest, I was the punch bag for her as I refused to let her hurt my sisters, so I always protected them, but at the cost of my own sanity as I was beaten, stabbed, you name it, but worst were the mind games, telling me every day I was worthless. Think “A Child Called It” and you are not far off. Now they are all safe and grown up, they ignore me completely, even though I saved them all from this monster who they visit every week, bit refuse to visit me, always claiming they are “too busy”, so I have got to the point where I wish to divorce my entire blood family, especially as I keep getting “forgotten” about when invites to family events are sent out.
What the hell is wrong with the “human” race? I have been treated like *** by nearly every person I have met my entire life, how do others cope with this?
Hi Beltane
I was going to reply earlier, but Coogy wrote such a good reply I wasn't sure I could add anything useful. However after reading your posts again, I came up with a couple of ideas.
Being with an aspie partner since we were in our late teens has helped me, even though my family were not very nice to me and I no longer see them. I've also had friends who let me down, but I've been lucky to have met a friend a few years ago who also has strong aspie traits and understands me and who I can trust.
So there are 3 things I would suggest:
1. Try to meet other aspies. NAS runs social groups, but if there isn't one close enough or you prefer to talk to people on a one to one basis or online, there is a befriending and mentoring service where they put you in touch with others who share your interests: Go to "schools and services / in the community / befriending and mentoring" for details
2. Learn more about NT's to help you deal with them. These books have helped me: A field guide to earthlings -an aspie view of neuro-typical behaviour and The Guerilla Aspies Handbook by Paul Wady
3. Think about getting a pet if it's possible. Many of us relate well to animals and find them a comfort.
All the best and good luck
Pixie